When you find home

In a relationship there is something beautiful when two people can find comfort with each other.

It can tend to be something that is still filled with pain but it is from the pathways that they were forced to take.

In watching Banana Fish it really does leave an ache in my heart from week to week. I want to see the small child that lives in Ash feel safe and rested for once. He is trained to survive and he is brilliant. All his traits from his brain to his looks were honed to be used by a man that sees people a mere play things.


You see his want for something normal and safe but also his desire for revenge leads him down a darker path.

So when Eiji, who really does seem to be a bit boring, comes into his life, as a viewer you have to wonder… How does someone who is as dynamic as Ash find anything interesting in the quiet stable Eiji?

Maybe that question does answer itself. Eiji is the complete opposite of Ash. He doesn’t have the past trauma of rape, abuse, and being involved in the mafia. Ash needs someone who is from the outside. Someone who sees who he really is on the inside.


Then the fragility of finding someone who you feel safe with. Someone you can feel like your age with. Then the fear of having them see what you have become. Ash begins to cling and push Eiji away from him.

He does this saying that he wants to keep Eiji safe. He is decided himself what is best for Eiji even though on many occasions Eiji chooses to stay by Ash’s side.



There is something that lives in Ash that wants to be free. Free to stay and keep Eiji by his side. You see him constantly looking out of windows. He is never flying free and he is always looking out on a world that he wants to be a part of. Ash still feels caged by the mafia and his past. He doesn’t know how to escape it.

So Eiji gets hurt at being pushed away but he keeps coming after Ash.

Ash keeps trying to protect Eiji from what he has become.

Also I think there is a part of Ash that he believes at this point he doesn’t deserve to feel safe with Eiji. He doesn’t deserve to get a home that keeps him rested. Ash at this point in the anime is in full destructive mode and he really doesn’t plan on coming out alive.



But he can’t die yet. He has a hand that is reaching out to him, time after time. A hand pulling him back telling him that he can be safe.

I don’t know what will happen to these two souls that found each other. At the most I can hope that they find peace with each other. But I don’t know if this story has a happy ending in mind. I guess I just have to keep watching and hoping.




Author: kimchisama

Anime for the soul.

14 thoughts on “When you find home”

  1. Sadly this anime isn’t available for me. Why sadly? Because having read this truly beautiful post it sounds like an anime that has a lot of things in it that I can relate too. This was really wonderful and heartwarming😊 Hopefully it will have a happy ending 😉😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hope that some of the amazon prime show will be available for others. They really have gotten control of some great ones.
      Thank you, this anime really gets to the heart of those who had their fate decided for them.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve always wondered while reading comics or watching the Mission Impossible movies why superheroes and people who seem superhuman/larger than life always seem to fall for “normal people” who don’t seem to have much that sticks out about them other than their kindness (and usually, their quiet courage). But watching Banana Fish and seeing Eiji, an ordinary boy who is kind and very brave in his own way, through Ash’s gaze made me realize why/how it happens.

    I’m not optimistic about how this’ll turn out for them, going by what usually happens to pairs like them in other movies/shows/stories. Though I really, really wish, for their sake, that they’ll end up together and happy in the end.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’ve read the manga and I know the end. I won’t of course spoil anything. Ash is an interesting person. He holds onto his violent life for dear life and pushes Eiji away time and time again while Eiji keeps on intruding, reminding him of a life that can be happy and bright. I think he sees everything positive and good in Eiji that he doesn’t have himself and he doesn’t want to taint that while Eiji just want to be by his side. I don’t think Eiji has any other thoughts than to stay by his side and be there. Not to help, not to save just to be. It is a beautiful relationship I think.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Intend to watch Banana Fish once it finish airing. Thankfully, nothing about it been spoiled to me. It’s nice to read about a series that actually gets the relationship part done right. Usually don’t get that impression in anime that has romance as it focus. Like the classic saying goes, opposite attract.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I may not be a rape survivor, but as somebody who was emotionally abused by a parent, I can definitely relate to Ash’s – repressed – wish to feel safe and loved. That makes Banana Fish pretty painful viewing! I just want its characters to be happy, you know?

    Have you seen No.6? Features a startlingly similar relationship between two male characters. It’s not as good a show, but you might enjoy it for that reason.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That one has been on my radar to watch but I haven’t watch it yet.
      I know it is getting harder to watch since I think that happy ending is farther away and these seem like the type of characters that are in full destruct mode.
      I’m sorry you had to go through that and I hope that you were able to find some peace.


      1. Well, like I said, No.6 is not as polished as Banana Fish, but it still has some strong characters.

        Thanks for the kind words. I know that I’m not the only person to have gone through stuff like that, so I try to be quite upfront and matter-of-fact about it.

        Liked by 1 person

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