When you find home

In a relationship there is something beautiful when two people can find comfort with each other.

It can tend to be something that is still filled with pain but it is from the pathways that they were forced to take.

In watching Banana Fish it really does leave an ache in my heart from week to week. I want to see the small child that lives in Ash feel safe and rested for once. He is trained to survive and he is brilliant. All his traits from his brain to his looks were honed to be used by a man that sees people a mere play things.

You see his want for something normal and safe but also his desire for revenge leads him down a darker path.

So when Eiji, who really does seem to be a bit boring, comes into his life, as a viewer you have to wonder… How does someone who is as dynamic as Ash find anything interesting in the quiet stable Eiji?

Maybe that question does answer itself. Eiji is the complete opposite of Ash. He doesn’t have the past trauma of rape, abuse, and being involved in the mafia. Ash needs someone who is from the outside. Someone who sees who he really is on the inside.

Then the fragility of finding someone who you feel safe with. Someone you can feel like your age with. Then the fear of having them see what you have become. Ash begins to cling and push Eiji away from him.

He does this saying that he wants to keep Eiji safe. He is decided himself what is best for Eiji even though on many occasions Eiji chooses to stay by Ash’s side.

 

There is something that lives in Ash that wants to be free. Free to stay and keep Eiji by his side. You see him constantly looking out of windows. He is never flying free and he is always looking out on a world that he wants to be a part of. Ash still feels caged by the mafia and his past. He doesn’t know how to escape it.

So Eiji gets hurt at being pushed away but he keeps coming after Ash.

Ash keeps trying to protect Eiji from what he has become.

Also I think there is a part of Ash that he believes at this point he doesn’t deserve to feel safe with Eiji. He doesn’t deserve to get a home that keeps him rested. Ash at this point in the anime is in full destructive mode and he really doesn’t plan on coming out alive.

 

But he can’t die yet. He has a hand that is reaching out to him, time after time. A hand pulling him back telling him that he can be safe.

I don’t know what will happen to these two souls that found each other. At the most I can hope that they find peace with each other. But I don’t know if this story has a happy ending in mind. I guess I just have to keep watching and hoping.