Dear Brother

This time of year I always feel a bit off and then I remember, it’s because you’re not here. It is strange how birthdays turn in to lonely memorials of those who leave us. Then fondness of the memories you have and regret at those you forgot.

You left me with something that I carry forever– The passion to write and tell these stories in my head. I can finally honestly say to you that– I’m doing it. I’m following my dream. You were at the start of it all, my dear brother. You will always be the first one on my journey to find the passion in my life. You never said it was a silly dream and you honestly gave the best advice– Write. Isn’t that funny what it comes down to? Just write. You don’t need to be an expert, you don’t need to know everything. Just write.

Pages are filled in my high school notebooks. Ones that will never see the light of day. Pages that helped me grow and learn. Thousands of words. It is pretty fun to go back and remember.

I remember fondly all the times you took me out for ice cream. The gifts you gave me as I grew up. The other day I looked through many pictures and I miss not getting to sit by you at Christmas dinner. I was a pretty clingy brat (My apologies to Holly). When I go your post cards and my fingers slowly trace your handwriting; it is almost like you aren’t gone when I have things around me that remind me of you. I even came across the Jasmine Barbie doll you gave me. My years of playing with dolls have passed but she remains a guardian of precious memories of my childhood.

The Belle figurine watches me in my writing room as I scrape together words. The picture of us looking forward on the ferry makes me think of my future. We both were looking forward that day and you honestly had so much more to give and do. It is hard to make wishes that won’t come true but I wish you were still here. I think I always will. We never got to write that book together but you are in every book I write.

Thank you for calling me and saying that you love me. Thank you for letting me hug you constantly. Thank you for coming to my birthdays. Thank you emailing me and letting me vent all my silly teenage drama (that alone should make you a saint). Thank you for sharing your love of fantasy and I wish I could be friends with you now. I have so much I want to share with you now that I’m older (I think you would have liked anime, maybe you did). Thank you for sharing your love of travel.

Thank you for being honest with me about your struggles. You were not perfect but you also showed me that a person can change and do better. I picked myself up these last few years, your honesty helped me see hope. I promise I won’t travel down that path of darkness again.

Thank you for being a listening ear, a pair of warm arms, and a truly kind soul. A brother taken too soon.

I miss you.

I love you.

See you.

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Author: kimchisama

Anime for the soul.

10 thoughts on “Dear Brother”

  1. Don’t mind me, just crying in the corner here.

    These are the same kinds of feeling that I have towards my brother that passed away five years ago and every birthday and holiday season has been missing so much since his passing. I have some things I have for his memory as well. It’s hard. So hard. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Beautiful post. Thank you for sharing.

    Thankfully I haven’t lost any people close to me… but honestly, I feel the same way that you’re describing here about my poor cat Ruby who I lost recently. If someone is important to you, be they human or animal, they leave a void when they’re gone… but they also leave you with precious memories to treasure forever.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This reminded me so much of my brother. I lost him about 8 and a half years ago, but it feels like it was just yesterday. His loss is felt… so profoundly and reading this really made me cry as I began to miss my brother even more. Sending you hugs, if you like hugs, and well wishes. I know what it’s like to feel like a big part of you is missing and there’s no way to really fill that gap. Stay strong. ♥

    Like

  4. There’s no filling that gap of when important to you is gone, but the memories created with someone special, and keeping them ensures that I always my time with them. Lost quite a few people, and the feelings you shared here I also feel, and are touched by. Thanks for sharing this beautiful post.

    Like

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