Finding Your Tribe

We all take breaks.

We all need breaks.

In the last few months I’ve been back and gone and back and gone and back and gone… Well you get the point.

Why so many breaks Kimchi?

I wish I could pinpoint it to one thing really. But when things happen they happen all at once. Then you don’t notice that you are falling until you’ve reach the bottom.

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From there you still have a choice. You can rise up or keep falling down.

Sometimes you can’t do it on your own.

Tribe

I’ve been open about my struggle with suicide and depression. It is a miracle that I am here today. Due to my dear friend answering my text, it was the life line I needed and I grabbed on with shaking hands and a still empty heart.

In these last few years I formed groups with other writers. We video chat on a weekly basis. We talk about our writing, help each other with writers block, and support each other when we need it.

These last few months I was riding high in January after finishing my third book and I really saw it as my best work yet, which made me so excited to see improvement.

Then I tried to start the next book.

It was slow going but I was getting there. Then I stopped.

Then I got sick.

Then I got into more debt due to health.

Three things kept me afloat these years. I had three goals I was working on and as long as one was going strong I felt like the depression was kept at bay.

Writing. Heath. Paying off debt.

Then in March all three went to shit.

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Then I started to stay in bed. Part of me almost realized what was happening. I would go to work (barely it look me forever to get out of bed in the morning). Then I would come home and stay in bed. No yoga, no writing. I guess in my defense I was very sick but you know even things that are out of your control just add more to the pile.

Last week my mind started a dangerous game.

It started to tell me to give up writing. It told me that there was no point since no one would read my books. My mind told me that I shouldn’t bother since I will never be as good as so and so. My mind told me to give up something that brought me so much joy in the last few years. It told me to quit.

Tribe

This time I had backup. I had writers gathered around me to support me. They were going through the same things as me. I wasn’t alone anymore. They asked me what they could do to help me. Honestly just seeing their faces every week helped me.

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I knew I couldn’t give up writing. My depression isn’t going to win this round. Even though I had to put aside this book to work on something different. I didn’t lose.

It is a battle. All the time. It is a battle we have to fight. I will say it a thousand times. If you feel like you ever need someone to talk to send me a message. I want you to know that you are not alone.

March ended like a lion for me. However, I’m back on track and I know that I have a tribe to back me up.

And all you wonderful anime nerds to hang out with. You are part of my tribe and I’m thankful to have something like this in my life. I can’t promise I won’t disappear again but I want you to know I’m fighting. Thank you for being you :).

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Author: kimchisama

Anime for the soul.

14 thoughts on “Finding Your Tribe”

  1. Thank you so much for allowing me to be part of the tribe. It’s an honor I don’t take lightly.
    As for writing being pointless. I have found the the most beautiful and magical things in life often seem aimless. The fragility is part of what makes them so important.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Reading your posts even though I wasn’t “here” always helped me. You are always open and honest and I know you have been through some hard things recently as well. Thank you for your support and thank you honestly for just being you ❤

      Like

  2. I hope you can keep fighting and get so strong that you’re able to bounce back from any struggle with ease! If the solution to getting that strong is a hiatus, then I’m positive that all of us, your followers support you 110%! (ง’̀-‘́)ง keep fighting strong woman!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I went through a similar experience last year. I honestly didn’t think that I would survive to see 2019. But having that group of people there to support me and help me through the most terrifying and darkest parts of it, really made a huge difference. I am sending you all of the love and hope I can muster and you’ve got my support always. ♥

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Having been away for quite a while myself, I know what you mean when you say you are missing being here. Ever since my return last week, it has been like this warm bath that welcomes you after a particularly long day. And that’s why I love this community so much, so many great people. Never forget though that you are one of those great people, and that your words and posts like these mean a lot to a lot of people, myself included. The struggle and fight is hard, and on some days might even seem impossible. Never lose faith in yourself though: I believe in you, and I know many other people with me. Keep up the good fight, and if ever you are in need to talk with someone yourself: never hesitate to reach out and sent me a message either. That invitation is always open: 24/7 😊😊 Take care!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much. It always helps to know that this community is here and you are right it is so welcoming. There is never any judgement for how long you are gone since I think everyone understands how life can be. Thank you so much and the same goes to you!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I hope you remember to get up one more time than you have fallen. I have to tell myself that when I’m struggling. As for your writing, write as much as you can, especially when struggling. It adds a layer of emotion that would not be there otherwise. If you need to vent, we’re here to listen. ❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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