There were plans for a special post when I reached 200 followers. This post is not only to thank you all so much for following me but the post concept changed from what I originally planned it to be. So please hang with me for a moment and I hope you understand my words and my heart behind this post. This will be a post of just words and I hope they reach you.
I am so thankful to each and every follower. In my dreams I never imagined to have even a single person read my ramblings and somewhat messy words. I’m still trying to improve at my self editing… It is a learning process. I would like have a few special thank yous that helped me continue with this blog when it was just supposed to be a nine week project.
First thanks to tetrax4berium for being my very first follower! I hope you return soon and wish you luck with all that is going on with your life.
Second thanks to Karandi for being my very first like! I was surprised that anyone found my blog. What a huge part of the aniblogging world you are and thank you for always encouraging those who just are starting.
Third thanks to Ospreyshire who really started on my commenting and I had many interesting conversations with at the start of my blog. He helped me think about being a member who does more than just like posts but to engage in the community of bloggers.
Fourth thanks to Arthifis for nominating me for my first every award on wordpress. I was so shocked and honored.
Thank you all so much for your comments, for your nominations, and for just being you. I’ve read and enjoyed your words so much I don’t think I can even put it into words. You all have been vulnerable, open, and honest. There is a theme of books, anime, comics, passion, and uniqueness that can be so overwhelming. This is truly a wonderful positive place on the internet and everyone should be proud of the community that they have created here. Thank you. Thank you so much.
So in honor of my wonderful 200 followers I am creating an award for wordpress. I don’t even know if it is legal, but this had been on my heart and I hope you read the background and understand why.
Some may or may not remember that I am a teacher. I work in a high school and it comes with its daily troubles and joys. I will be honest with you. My heart is breaking for my students. In the last two months four students have taken their lives. A sad feeling of desperation have filled the halls of my high school. A sense of powerlessness has filled the hearts of the teachers and students. Steps are being taken and in trying to reach all those around us, we feel like failures. How can I show my students that they are loved and important on a daily bases? How badly will I fail? Will I say the wrong thing or stay silent at the wrong moment?
These and more all all thoughts that have filled my mind in these last two months. I have been open on here about my own attempt at suicide and what it took for me to crawl and claw my way up again. It is odd to think that I wouldn’t be here now if it wasn’t for one text sent at the right time when I asked my friend a question. “What is the point of all this?” He answered, not telling me to grow up or get over it or forcing me to be happy. He listened and got down on my level and related to me. Human to human. Agreeing that life can be a shitstorm, but trying to remember the good parts of people and that there is still something to live for.
There was a post by Lina that talked about making a list of reasons. This award is going to be about making your reasons. Your reasons why to keep living- to keep going. Maybe at this point you don’t have an issue with depression and that is okay. Sometimes it is still good to think of all the good things in your life. Maybe you think that you have nothing and you can’t make a list of reasons. I’m going to tell you now that THERE IS NO SMALL REASON. Dig deep. Deeper if you must. There is always a reason for you to keep going and living and breathing. Maybe one of your reasons to live is that so in the morning you can eat bacon. That you will stay alive just to eat bacon again. To me this isn’t a small or silly reason. It is true to yourself and if you are every going through a rough time maybe the smallest reason will reach your heart.
So here are the rules you copy and paste:
1. Mention the person who nominated you
2. List 13 reasons why you keep going/living (This is borrowed from the book but I’m taking it the opposite direction).
3. Nominate 10 or more people to give their reasons why.
4. Use the picture that I created in your post. I’m sorry that I’m a bit bad a making these things… But I tried 🙂
Now, without further adieu here are my reasons:
- My four beautiful dogs. They have all been rescued and show me on a daily bases what selfless love it. Some of them have been abused and yet they trust humans and will give all the love they have in their hearts. I really don’t deserve them.
- My college friends. I don’t have a huge circle of people who like/know me, but in my small circle I found people who are open about their struggles and we support each other even though we are far away.
- Anime. There is something wonderful about this form of entertainment. It makes me think, laugh, and enjoy sometime the ridiculous.
- Books/manga Books have been my first true friends, maybe that is silly but they’ve always provided adventure when I’ve felt stuck in one place. Friends when I was alone. Also I have so many ongoing manga that I am following that there is no way I don’t want to be on this earth to finish some of these stories!
- My family. I haven’t been close to my brothers, but some of that is starting to change and I want to see where the relationships will go. My mother and father have been my first fans and I’m fortunate to have family that will support me. I know this isn’t the case with everyone.
- My writing community. This is for the other authors I have meet at conferences that have encouraged me and are the reason why I have started writing. Now that writing is in my life my depression has faded so much. It is something that bring me frustration and joy. It is amazing creating something and without it in my life I was so lost.
- WordPress. We all have our quirks with wordpress haha, but without it I would never have found this community of glorious nerds. Freedom to talk about anime and all the things I never get a chance to talk about in real life.
- My job. As frustrating as being a teacher can be there are great rewards involved. It is my hope to reach and inspire students to be happy with who they are. Free to love who and what they want. Never to judge them for liking the things they like. I know what it is like to be called weird and I never want them to get that feeling from me.
- Writing. Just the fact that I can write. That I have stories and adventures in my head. That I have hope when I write. That I believe in magic.
- Pasta 🙂 Gosh something about pasta just makes me happy. I love the taste and especially if my mom makes it haha!
- Quiet moment. Sometimes when I write I look out my window and just seeing the wind blow through the trees and watching the fat pigeons in the backyard. It is a peaceful moment.
- Hot Fries. The snack that I love to hate… If you have eaten these you will understand…
- You. You are my reason. Thank you for being you. There is no one like you in the world. I hope you see the good in yourself and believe in yourself to keep going. If you ever, ever need someone please send a message. Write a post. I pray you will find the warmth in this life. Know that darkness can be so hard to survive, but you go on and keep living. That is what makes you, you.
nesha e moe404
The Otaku Judge
The BookWorm Drinketh
I went a bit nomination crazy. In the end I think you all are awesome and there is no pressure to make a post. If anything I want you to think of these things and maybe write them down on your own. Even if I didn’t and you want to make this post, I hope you will. You don’t need to have a nomination to write down your reasons. If I had the stamina I would link all 204 followers. At this point my fingers are giving out :).
Thank you all once again. I cannot say it enough. Thank you all for being my reasons to stay on this earth. I hope you all know how special you are to me. I may not be the best spoken or written but once again I hope my heart reaches you. As always…
Happy watching :).