The ups and downs: Learning to push through Failure

I remember my excitement when Auri invited me to participate in the Animanga Festival. I vanished again and I wasn’t sure how exactly to come back to my dear blog and my dear blog friends. I thought this would be a great way to see what everyone had been up to and get back to my routine that I had in 2018.

I made plans but I didn’t make the posts. This turned out to be a mistake since I found out I would need surgery and I had no posts ready to go to set up that would publish while I recovered. (RIP gallbladder).

I took this with my usually mood– Disappointed that I wasn’t prepared and put it in the pile of “pushed back deadlines” where my first book ended up a long with other things.

The first lesson on failure:  Failing is temporary.

I have to remind myself that I’m not done. Even though I had plans to publish in February 2020 pushing it back is not a failure. It was something that sucked yes, but I have no plans of giving up. I am still going to publish in 2020 and even though it is later it actually might be a better option for me.

The second lesson on failure:  Sometimes failing is disguised as an opportunity.

When my husband lost his job I had to use my saved editing money to pay the bills. I will be honest. I was mad at him and mad at his company that betrayed him. Then there was this small part of me that was relieved. Honesty time, I’m scared as all get out to put my work out there. I remembered my old mindset that –if I didn’t try I wouldn’t fail… Well, I can tell you now that isn’t true.

So I took this moment as a gift of more time. I decided that my first book was something that did need a lot more work. Then I took a closer look an there were a lot of problems. I decided to put my beloved first book away (for now) and I started something new.

Even though the money thing sucked (it always does) and I have to start over saving for an editor, I found that this time gave me a chance to step  back and make something that could be my best work yet.

The third lesson in failure:  You are not alone.

It is easy to think that we are the only ones out there “sucking it up” (did I have a word quota on the word suck today?) but we really aren’t. When we are in a world where people only post the best of themselves it feels like we are falling behind. Remind yourself that everyone struggles. Maybe not in the same way but they have their own failures that they deal with. They also have to struggle and push through. Social media can be a good reminder to us that we only see the surface. I like to post both… My failures and my successes. I never know who it will encourage. One is to let them know that they are not alone and the other is that you can get past the struggle.

The fourth lesson in failure:  Somethings are out of your control, but you can make your own luck.

My friend once told me that if it wasn’t for bad luck I’d have no luck at all! haha. I have to agree a bit. I’ve had a contractor make a roof that leaked but  he didn’t fix it so I had to pay for repairs. The front of my house started to sink. I got in a car accident. My dog had to get surgery and I was out of sorts for a month worrying about him. I then had to get surgery and I was scared. Then my husband got fired twice.

Let me tell you it has been a roller coaster.

There were days that I spent in bed. The days I let my depression win. Then there were the days were I got up and told myself that this wasn’t the end. I still had fight left within me.

I stood up for myself more and more. I was able to get the raise that I wanted and I was able to pitch an agent that wasn’t available to me. This took a lot out of me. I had to be a bit confrontational… And I’m not… at all.

But I realized there are somethings in life that I can prevent. I can stick up for. Somethings require money I don’t have (like a lawyer for the contractor on my roof) but I can’t let that negativity fill me anymore. I have to try and find ways to “make my own luck” because I know there are not going to be any handouts for me. ha!

 

Those are just a few things that are on my mind especially these last few months where I am starting a new series. I haven’t had the brain space to be very creative. As I start writing my fourth book I need to remember to just keep pushing forward.

This theme for the festival these next few days is about expressing ourselves. It has always been my goal to encourage you. I’m going to be going on a crazy journey in these next few months and I hope I’ll get to see you there next October when I publish my first book!

For now I’ll leave you with a bit of a teaser of my bookcover. (Sorry for the low quality screen shot of the cover…)

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This world is awesome and these characters are about to go forth and make a mess… Like all good characters should!

So in the end, go forth and fail!

Then get up and try again!

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Why did I like MMO Junkie so much?

I had a short post on MMO Junkie about halfway through the short season and I found myself enjoying it so much that I declared it was my favorite (new) show this fall. Now that the season is wrapped up I want to reflect a bit on why I liked it so much.

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First, lets take an honest look at why this show wouldn’t be consider special by some standards. Did I like this show just because it was a break from all the killing anime this fall? Was I just in need of a fresh romance? You can look at the premise and some say “oh nice a female NEET we don’t get that very often,” but then it is still a slow moving romance where you are just like, “Come on! Just kiss her already! Tell him/her how you feel!” I can sense the frustration at the ending. Okay, they are going on a “date” is that all we really get? Yeah, I myself wished for a bit more from the end, but then if we get those romantic moments it would have destroyed the show. Let me explain…

Morioka seems to be suffering from social anxiety (let me play doctor here, sorry if I’m way off, Theatre major here, haha) and a bit of OCD (she cleans her rug with a lint roller every time she feels a bit anxious). If their relationship at that point would have went beyond the hand holding it would have been like “Oh yeah, I’m cured, you too can get rid of anxiety too my fellow NEETs!” No. It doesn’t work like that. This anime is special because the characters are true to how they were created. It can be painful to watch but that is what makes it so good if you give it a chance. An honest look at how people have miscommunication and are worried about everything in relationships. From getting that first response to your message to having someone text you something and you misread the tone.

Moriko needed the time to feel safe with Lily before she could let Sakurai in her life.

She has so much self doubt and the MMO game in a way saved her. When I watched the first episode again I realized that she came in on the last day of her job. I didn’t notice this small detail and it really put the whole timeline into perspective when she started the new MMO game. Just in the brief flashbacks of her at her work place you could feel her tension and and stress. The anime just touched a bit on this and I really really wish that we would have seen a bit more of this to flesh out her choice to become a NEET. I think that would have given a lot of watchers some closure on her backstory. However, we only got 10 episodes so they probably had a lot to squeeze in and the slow burning romance would have been lost.

The truest moment for me as a female was in the episode where Morioka went to get food with Sakurai and jumped to the conclusionnetjuu_02-1 that the female emploie thought that they didn’t belong together since Sakurai is so good looking. This is a theme throughout the anime since they met. She thinks she doesn’t deserve to be with someone handsome or so kind. She thinks she is useless since she is a NEET.  She is ashamed that the loves MMO games. She doesn’t understand why she is like this.

How many times do people put themselves down in life because we think we are imposters? That we don’t belong somewhere? A lot of us like anime, and I see often that we are judged just on that aspect in our life by those who don’t like anime or understand it. It is hard to go through the world and not think that people are judging us and sometimes get to the point where we don’t care about what others think. That takes some time and courage. Morioka is just getting to the start of her journey at the end of the season.

I do think this anime was a nice break from the killing anime this fall and from some of the really confusing anime also. Maybe that is part of what made it stand out so much for me. In a world of high school romance anime this one does stand out. It has a very honest look into problems that adults face when things at work can get to be too much and there is only the “suck it up” option. A nice side plot that you can find a family of oddballs online and they can turn into true friends. Sometimes us weirdos just need to find each other and thankfully the internet with blogs and MMO games lets us do that.

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I guess in the end I like this so much because I can just honestly relate to Morioka. I see myself in her and like her I keep pushing forward and I hope you do too.

I’ll get off my soap box and just mention that since I started this blog I’ve enjoyed reading and interacting with all you dear followers! Thank you for following me and thank you for reading. I do have my book deadline at the end of this month so I hope to be able to keep up the posts! Happy watching!