Lies we tell ourselves

Writers like to torture themselves. As a writer I am part of this sick group of individuals that find it fun/funny (I don’t know anymore) to try and write a novel in a month.

I think then we like to move on and torture our characters…

I haven’t watched or read much this month (perfect time to come back to blogging kimchi) because for the first time I’m taking part in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). The stars have aligned for my writing since I just finished making my outline in time for November. I could finally take part in NaNoWriMo since I was ready to start writing my rough draft. So lucky right?

Writing memes first line

My title may feel a bit off but I wanted to talk about the excuses that writers (you can insert artist, ect ;)) use when they are writing.

I was in the stage for many years where I would just talk about writing… And not write. I never called myself a writer until I finished my first novel.

So dear writer. Stop talking and start writing. What is holding you back? Chances are you are a reader and you already understand what makes a good story. Are you scared that someone will read it? In one of my favorite books on writing Bird by Bird she says, “No one will read your shitty first drafts.” See that?

It is okay for your first draft to be a mess. It is okay that your character’s sword disappeared for five chapters then suddenly appeared in their had when it was left in the trunk of their car (Very specific example 😀 ).

It is okay for it to be a mess. So what is stopping you?

“I don’t have time to write.”

hmm Okay life is busy. I get that. So do you want to be a writer? Is it something that burns in your bones? Do your characters scream at you to come out of your head? Is there this really cool idea that you thought of for years?

Well, I have no easy advice but we make time for what is important to us. We really do. I complained that I didn’t have time for years and yet I had time to marathon a kdrama… So think about where you are spending your time.

I used to guard my “nothing” time.

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What is “nothing” time? Well it was that time where I would rush home so I could do nothing. I guarded that time like a crazy person. It was a bit insane. I thought my nothing time made me happy but in the end it just made my depression worse.

When I started taking my “nothing” time and turn it into time for my goals, things started to get better.

So take a look at your time and how you use it. I’m in no way saying that you should feel bad for watching show, playing games, or just having fun. We need those things just as much. But like I said. If you really want to do something you will find the time to do it.

 

There will always be an excuse to not start something today. Life will never stop or calm down. You just need to sit down and do it. Give it your best.

This was the worse week time wise for my writing. My personal goal was to hit 2k a day for the month of November. Then life decided that it would hit me with everything at once. But you know what… I made the time. One day I finished at 11:59pm.

Word count

But I hit my 2k words eve-ry-day. I will keep on going this month. Even though for NaNoWriMo the goal is 50k I am a crazy person and set my goal for 60k this month.

I know it is possible. This draft isn’t pretty but I sat down and made the time. There will always be an excuse. A problem. A lie that we tell ourselves.

But keep on going. It is possible to hit those goals even with dark days. But let’s save those dark days for editing…

1081

Happy Watching!

 

Artwork Reveal

So this blog is still about anime… right? ha… ha… ha…

Okay I’m getting back into gear. But for now I’m excited to show you all the commissioned work I got done for my author page and blog page!

I had this wonderful work done by Tanya Hales

I wanted a plus size commission that had a bit of my sass… or sarcasm whatever you prefer. Also my bowl of kimchi is still in my photo which I was super excited about. She was great to work with and I’m excited to use this art for my author webpage and my blog!

Mari-colors(1)

I’m getting things organized the best I can. I will probably make posts on my journey to indie publishing next year and still blog about my love of 2D boys since that is something that I will be infected (I mean affected?) with for the rest of my life.

In the mean time I’m still enjoying every ones posts and I hope that some of my creative brain will go back to blogging. Not that it going to my books is a bad thing, but I need more anime in my life!

Happy Watching!

Why I Still Love Anime

I’m honored that Ty-chama tagged me in her post. She is newer to the world of aniblogging and has wonderful  blog posts. So I encourage you all to check out her blog!

In this challenge we are to:

  • Write a post about why you love anime. It could be your favourite thing about it or one of your favourite things about it, it doesn’t matter which, but just pick one!
  • You can get as personal or as impersonal as you like. You might want to write about how anime helped you through a tough time or something that it has taught you or you might want to write about just how much fun you’ve had watching it over the years. Your choice
  • Nominate three bloggers to do the same
  • Link back to this post. I would love to see what you’ve written and I may compile a list of my favourite entries further down the line

Sometimes we can have a love hate thing with anime. I don’t know how many times I quit watching something when another kick ass female character became mush over a potato of a lead male. (Wow do I have some issues haha. I’ve been burned too many times before).

However, from amazing stories (Psycho Pass) to unique world building (Made in the Abyss) to freaking awesome characters (Yona of the Dawn) I have a deep love for anime.

But one thing over the last two years has really become my favorite thing about anime. It is like a secret instant friendship.

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When you meet someone who likes the same anime

Some may already have heard this story many times but I never wanted to tell people about my healthy *cough* obsession with anime. It was something that even among my friends was looked down on that I would watch child “cartoons”  or be a weeb (spoken with a sneer).

Then to make a long story short I honestly stopped letting other people steal my  joy. I subscribed to anime boxes and got awesome shirts. I hung posters of anime in my classroom. I proudly wore my AoT hoodie. Then I notices a shift. My pride in liking something drew in others.

It was like you could form an instant bond with anyone just by liking anime… And it was AWESOME!

 

Hak Silly
You like Yona? ME TOO!

I found students coming up to me recommending anime. I started a blog about anime and found more awesome people. I honestly feel like I can be the most open on this blog about my healthy *cough* obsession with 2D boys.

And I kid you not, just happened yesterday, during the last fifteen minutes of my creative writing class we just talked about anime. Anime is helping me build relationships with students. To me that is the most important thing a teacher can do!

Now I know that there always will be those who say that you can’t be a true anime fan for reason blah blah or blah blah… Honestly, I just have to laugh and wish them well. They are missing out of one of my favorite things about anime. The bond you can share with other anime lovers.

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Walk proud my fellow otakus!

Thank you again Ty-chama for the nomination and I hope you all take a moment to think about your favorite things in anime.

In the mean time I will tag (and no pressure especially coming from me the queen of forgetting to answer tags)

Raistlin

magicconan

The Otaku Judge

Happy watching!

 

Only 50 in blog posts- not in years…

These last two weeks in blogger land I’ve had to play a bit of catch up with reading posts and I hope I didn’t miss any. The wordpress reader tends to be fickle like that. I am still living off the conference high and this last weekend was amazing! Not only were all the writers super friendly I met some amazing people and I can’t wait to see what they do in the future.

I’m still a bit blurry eyed since I drove through the night to get home. Paying for hotels for these conferences can be a killer so I tried to save a bit of money lol.

Once again thank you all for your supportive comments and reading your posts helped me get a bit of a break since networking can be super weird for an introvert.

The first conference, I didn’t get asked to send any pages. At that moment those editors and agents weren’t looking for a story like mine. There is a bit of luck throw in to trying to get published traditionally and if your genre isn’t being bought then it can be even harder.

However, this last conference I got a request for 50 pages to be sent. That was a nice feeling and I’m excited to send off my little pages and see if anything happens. I guess I’m better at verbal pitching which is a bit funny to me. Since sometimes it can go a bit like this…

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If any of you are familiar with the publishing word most agencies only take on about 2% new clients requests every year. So even if you get pages requested it is still a bit of a long shot. And like I said before… Most publishers aren’t buying urban fantasy right now so most agents will not want to take me on at the moment.

In the end, I feel this lovely feeling of hope inside of me. I know it is a long hard road to get published, but I’m so excited about writing and my book that I just can’t help but feeling happy. For each form rejection letter I get and add to the pile I just feel even more motivated. It is weird… Last year a rejection would have crushed me. But I’ve come to realize that writing is what I love and as long as I am writing the other thing tend to fall to the side. Giving up isn’t an option. Not writing isn’t an option. Just have to keep going.

Now that my conference trips are done for now, I’ll be back to the regular world of blogging and watching anime. This was kind of a weird 50th blog post…

But!

But!

But!

I will share something special with you all! I went on deviant art and found an artist to draw my main character in my book! Jéssica Pegoraro took on my commission and did a beautiful job! If any of you want her email for commissions just shoot me a message and I will send it your way!

Ava.png

Ava Water color.png

 

I know it may sound a bit silly, but I wanted to get my main character drawn… She had been living in my head for so long it is really fun to see her. I may commission the rest of my main characters as well.

So I will get back to writing and anime watching and I hope you all have been well!

Happy Watching!

One Liner Tag

THE RULES

Accept and thank your challenger(s) by linking back to their post.

Thank you Irina!!

Make a post of one-sentence summaries/roasts of at least five anime.

 I will try ha!

 No spoilers!

If the show is old— No promises—

Link back to The Awkward Book Blogger so she can see your post.

Challenge as many or as little people as you want!

I just tagged a bunch of people in my last post so… I will go easy on you all

Have fun!

First I will start out with Yona of the Dawn since I’ve been writing weekly about it.

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Yona of the Dawn

A Strong woman who doesn’t need a man- so how about five of them?

Parasyte

No one wants to masturbate alone…

Food Wars

Accidental Hentai

Yuri!!! on ICE

IT’S NOT YAOI! OKAAAAY! IT’S SPORTS!!!

Magical Girl Shows

We don’t traumatize people, we just help them realize that they need a therapist.

Free!

Wait, were you watching for more than just the naked abs?

King’s Game

We like to make you laugh at how people die in horrific ways because it is too much work to think of a plot line that makes sense.

Recovery of an MMO Junkie

Someone spied on my life and then made an anime, but without the sweet romance part.

Citrus

Look! Rape-y anime just isn’t for Boy Love!

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So now that I offended everyone… haha

Happy Watching!

 

 

Thank You Followers/My Reasons Why Award

There were plans for a special post when I reached 200 followers. This post is not only to thank you all so much for following me but the post concept changed from what I originally planned it to be. So please hang with me for a moment and I hope you understand my words and my heart behind this post. This will be a post of just words and I hope they reach you.

I am so thankful to each and every follower. In my dreams I never imagined to have even a single person read my ramblings and somewhat messy words. I’m still trying to improve at my self editing… It is a learning process. I would like have a few special thank yous that helped me continue with this blog when it was just supposed to be a nine week project.

First thanks to tetrax4berium for being my very first follower! I hope you return soon and wish you luck with all that is going on with your life.

Second thanks to Karandi for being my very first like! I was surprised that anyone found my blog. What a huge part of the aniblogging world you are and thank you for always encouraging those who just are starting.

Third thanks to Ospreyshire who really started on my commenting and I had many interesting conversations with at the start of my blog. He helped me think about being a member who does more than just like posts but to engage in the community of bloggers.

Fourth thanks to Arthifis for nominating me for my first every award on wordpress. I was so shocked and honored.

Thank you all so much for your comments, for your nominations, and for just being you. I’ve read and enjoyed your words so much I don’t think I can even put it into words. You all have been vulnerable, open, and honest. There is a theme of books, anime, comics, passion, and uniqueness that can be so overwhelming. This is truly a wonderful positive place on the internet and everyone should be proud of the community that they have created here. Thank you. Thank you so much.

So in honor of my wonderful 200 followers I am creating an award for wordpress. I don’t even know if it is legal, but this had been on my heart and I hope you read the background and understand why.

 

Some may or may not remember that I am a teacher. I work in a high school and it comes with its daily troubles and joys. I will be honest with you. My heart is breaking for my students. In the last two months four students have taken their lives. A sad feeling of desperation have filled the halls of my high school. A sense of powerlessness has filled the hearts of the teachers and students. Steps are being taken and in trying to reach all those around us, we feel like failures. How can I show my students that they are loved and important on a daily bases? How badly will I fail? Will I say the wrong thing or stay silent at the wrong moment?

These and more all all thoughts that have filled my mind in these last two months. I have been open on here about my own attempt at suicide and what it took for me to crawl and claw my way up again. It is odd to think that I wouldn’t be here now if it wasn’t for one text sent at the right time when I asked my friend a question. “What is the point of all this?” He answered, not telling me to grow up or get over it or forcing me to be happy. He listened and got down on my level and related to me. Human to human. Agreeing that life can be a shitstorm, but trying to remember the good parts of people and that there is still something to live for.

There was a post by Lina that talked about making a list of reasons. This award is going to be about making your reasons. Your reasons why to keep living- to keep going. Maybe at this point you don’t have an issue with depression and that is okay. Sometimes it is still good to think of all the good things in your life. Maybe you think that you have nothing and you can’t make a list of reasons. I’m going to tell you now that THERE IS NO SMALL REASON. Dig deep. Deeper if you must. There is always a reason for you to keep going and living and breathing. Maybe one of your reasons to live is that so in the morning you can eat bacon. That you will stay alive just to eat bacon again. To me this isn’t a small or silly reason. It is true to yourself and if you are every going through a rough time maybe the smallest reason will reach your heart.

So here are the rules you copy and paste:

1. Mention the person who nominated you

2. List 13 reasons why you keep going/living (This is borrowed from the book but I’m taking it the opposite direction).

3. Nominate 10 or more people to give their reasons why.

4. Use the picture that I created in your post. I’m sorry that I’m a bit bad a making these things… But I tried 🙂

Now, without further adieu here are my reasons:

  1. My four beautiful dogs. They have all been rescued and show me on a daily bases what selfless love it. Some of them have been abused and yet they trust humans and will give all the love they have in their hearts. I really don’t deserve them.
  2. My college friends. I don’t have a huge circle of people who like/know me, but in my small circle I found people who are open about their struggles and we support each other even though we are far away.
  3. Anime. There is something wonderful about this form of entertainment. It makes me think, laugh, and enjoy sometime the ridiculous.
  4. Books/manga Books have been my first true friends, maybe that is silly but they’ve always provided adventure when I’ve felt stuck in one place. Friends when I was alone. Also I have so many ongoing manga that I am following that there is no way I don’t want to be on this earth to finish some of these stories!
  5. My family. I haven’t been close to my brothers, but some of that is starting to change and I want to see where the relationships will go. My mother and father have been my first fans and I’m fortunate to have family that will support me. I know this isn’t the case with everyone.
  6. My writing community. This is for the other authors I have meet at conferences that have encouraged me and are the reason why I have started writing. Now that writing is in my life my depression has faded so much. It is something that bring me frustration and joy. It is amazing creating something and without it in my life I was so lost.
  7. WordPress. We all have our quirks with wordpress haha, but without it I would never have found this community of glorious nerds. Freedom to talk about anime and all the things I never get a chance to talk about in real life.
  8. My job. As frustrating as being a teacher can be there are great rewards involved. It is my hope to reach and inspire students to be happy with who they are. Free to love who and what they want. Never to judge them for liking the things they like. I know what it is like to be called weird and I never want them to get that feeling from me.
  9. Writing. Just the fact that I can write. That I have stories and adventures in my head. That I have hope when I write. That I believe in magic.
  10. Pasta 🙂 Gosh something about pasta just makes me happy. I love the taste and especially if my mom makes it haha!
  11. Quiet moment. Sometimes when I write I look out my window and just seeing the wind blow through the trees and watching the fat pigeons in the backyard. It is a peaceful moment.
  12. Hot Fries. The snack that I love to hate… If you have eaten these you will understand…
  13. You. You are my reason. Thank you for being you. There is no one like you in the world. I hope you see the good in yourself and believe in yourself to keep going. If you ever, ever need someone please send a message. Write a post. I pray you will find the warmth in this life. Know that darkness can be so hard to survive, but you go on and keep living. That is what makes you, you.

I nominate:

Arthifis

Irina

CouchCruisin

Jon Spencer

nesha e moe404

Chizurue

Ospreyshire

Auri

ARCHI-ANIME

The Otaku Judge

The Moyatorium

Aldael

Karandi

Komorebi

Lina

Crimson

The BookWorm Drinketh

Angelica

Kitty-chlo

I went a bit nomination crazy. In the end I think you all are awesome and there is no pressure to make a post. If anything I want you to think of these things and maybe write them down on your own. Even if I didn’t and you want to make this post, I hope you will. You don’t need to have a nomination to write down your reasons. If I had the stamina I would link all 204 followers. At this point my fingers are giving out :).

Thank you all once again. I cannot say it enough. Thank you all for being my reasons to stay on this earth. I hope you all know how special you are to me. I may not be the best spoken or written but once again I hope my heart reaches you. As always…

Happy watching :).