Lies we tell ourselves

Writers like to torture themselves. As a writer I am part of this sick group of individuals that find it fun/funny (I don’t know anymore) to try and write a novel in a month.

I think then we like to move on and torture our characters…

I haven’t watched or read much this month (perfect time to come back to blogging kimchi) because for the first time I’m taking part in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). The stars have aligned for my writing since I just finished making my outline in time for November. I could finally take part in NaNoWriMo since I was ready to start writing my rough draft. So lucky right?

Writing memes first line

My title may feel a bit off but I wanted to talk about the excuses that writers (you can insert artist, ect ;)) use when they are writing.

I was in the stage for many years where I would just talk about writing… And not write. I never called myself a writer until I finished my first novel.

So dear writer. Stop talking and start writing. What is holding you back? Chances are you are a reader and you already understand what makes a good story. Are you scared that someone will read it? In one of my favorite books on writing Bird by Bird she says, “No one will read your shitty first drafts.” See that?

It is okay for your first draft to be a mess. It is okay that your character’s sword disappeared for five chapters then suddenly appeared in their had when it was left in the trunk of their car (Very specific example 😀 ).

It is okay for it to be a mess. So what is stopping you?

“I don’t have time to write.”

hmm Okay life is busy. I get that. So do you want to be a writer? Is it something that burns in your bones? Do your characters scream at you to come out of your head? Is there this really cool idea that you thought of for years?

Well, I have no easy advice but we make time for what is important to us. We really do. I complained that I didn’t have time for years and yet I had time to marathon a kdrama… So think about where you are spending your time.

I used to guard my “nothing” time.

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What is “nothing” time? Well it was that time where I would rush home so I could do nothing. I guarded that time like a crazy person. It was a bit insane. I thought my nothing time made me happy but in the end it just made my depression worse.

When I started taking my “nothing” time and turn it into time for my goals, things started to get better.

So take a look at your time and how you use it. I’m in no way saying that you should feel bad for watching show, playing games, or just having fun. We need those things just as much. But like I said. If you really want to do something you will find the time to do it.

 

There will always be an excuse to not start something today. Life will never stop or calm down. You just need to sit down and do it. Give it your best.

This was the worse week time wise for my writing. My personal goal was to hit 2k a day for the month of November. Then life decided that it would hit me with everything at once. But you know what… I made the time. One day I finished at 11:59pm.

Word count

But I hit my 2k words eve-ry-day. I will keep on going this month. Even though for NaNoWriMo the goal is 50k I am a crazy person and set my goal for 60k this month.

I know it is possible. This draft isn’t pretty but I sat down and made the time. There will always be an excuse. A problem. A lie that we tell ourselves.

But keep on going. It is possible to hit those goals even with dark days. But let’s save those dark days for editing…

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Happy Watching!

 

The ups and downs: Learning to push through Failure

I remember my excitement when Auri invited me to participate in the Animanga Festival. I vanished again and I wasn’t sure how exactly to come back to my dear blog and my dear blog friends. I thought this would be a great way to see what everyone had been up to and get back to my routine that I had in 2018.

I made plans but I didn’t make the posts. This turned out to be a mistake since I found out I would need surgery and I had no posts ready to go to set up that would publish while I recovered. (RIP gallbladder).

I took this with my usually mood– Disappointed that I wasn’t prepared and put it in the pile of “pushed back deadlines” where my first book ended up a long with other things.

The first lesson on failure:  Failing is temporary.

I have to remind myself that I’m not done. Even though I had plans to publish in February 2020 pushing it back is not a failure. It was something that sucked yes, but I have no plans of giving up. I am still going to publish in 2020 and even though it is later it actually might be a better option for me.

The second lesson on failure:  Sometimes failing is disguised as an opportunity.

When my husband lost his job I had to use my saved editing money to pay the bills. I will be honest. I was mad at him and mad at his company that betrayed him. Then there was this small part of me that was relieved. Honesty time, I’m scared as all get out to put my work out there. I remembered my old mindset that –if I didn’t try I wouldn’t fail… Well, I can tell you now that isn’t true.

So I took this moment as a gift of more time. I decided that my first book was something that did need a lot more work. Then I took a closer look an there were a lot of problems. I decided to put my beloved first book away (for now) and I started something new.

Even though the money thing sucked (it always does) and I have to start over saving for an editor, I found that this time gave me a chance to step  back and make something that could be my best work yet.

The third lesson in failure:  You are not alone.

It is easy to think that we are the only ones out there “sucking it up” (did I have a word quota on the word suck today?) but we really aren’t. When we are in a world where people only post the best of themselves it feels like we are falling behind. Remind yourself that everyone struggles. Maybe not in the same way but they have their own failures that they deal with. They also have to struggle and push through. Social media can be a good reminder to us that we only see the surface. I like to post both… My failures and my successes. I never know who it will encourage. One is to let them know that they are not alone and the other is that you can get past the struggle.

The fourth lesson in failure:  Somethings are out of your control, but you can make your own luck.

My friend once told me that if it wasn’t for bad luck I’d have no luck at all! haha. I have to agree a bit. I’ve had a contractor make a roof that leaked but  he didn’t fix it so I had to pay for repairs. The front of my house started to sink. I got in a car accident. My dog had to get surgery and I was out of sorts for a month worrying about him. I then had to get surgery and I was scared. Then my husband got fired twice.

Let me tell you it has been a roller coaster.

There were days that I spent in bed. The days I let my depression win. Then there were the days were I got up and told myself that this wasn’t the end. I still had fight left within me.

I stood up for myself more and more. I was able to get the raise that I wanted and I was able to pitch an agent that wasn’t available to me. This took a lot out of me. I had to be a bit confrontational… And I’m not… at all.

But I realized there are somethings in life that I can prevent. I can stick up for. Somethings require money I don’t have (like a lawyer for the contractor on my roof) but I can’t let that negativity fill me anymore. I have to try and find ways to “make my own luck” because I know there are not going to be any handouts for me. ha!

 

Those are just a few things that are on my mind especially these last few months where I am starting a new series. I haven’t had the brain space to be very creative. As I start writing my fourth book I need to remember to just keep pushing forward.

This theme for the festival these next few days is about expressing ourselves. It has always been my goal to encourage you. I’m going to be going on a crazy journey in these next few months and I hope I’ll get to see you there next October when I publish my first book!

For now I’ll leave you with a bit of a teaser of my bookcover. (Sorry for the low quality screen shot of the cover…)

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This world is awesome and these characters are about to go forth and make a mess… Like all good characters should!

So in the end, go forth and fail!

Then get up and try again!

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Things that make me Happy!

I was nominated by Lilisblissfulpages to list 50 things that make me happy

Check out her blog for read book insights and also the Read-A-Thon (Did you just rename it?) 24 hours of straight reading! I have yet to make it that long haha!

This is really a good time of year to be thinking of these things in our lives. We just pasted Thanksgiving in the states and we are coming up on Christmas. These last few years it has been good to focus on non-material things since I haven’t had the money to buy my family any gifts. I always tell them to not get me anything either. It really is nice just to be with them. I have brothers that I rarely get to see and most of the time they don’t come to Christmas so it tends to just be me and my parents.

So lets see how far I get down this list of 50!

  1. Dogs- and honestly animal in general. I love my four rescues and they are really like my children.

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    So freaking cute! The white fluff is my first adopted one when I lived in Korea 😀
  2. Writing- It is always fun to put down writing as something that makes me happy. Because if you write (hey bloggers) you know how frustrating writing can be. How you find that you used the word slowly 175 times in your manuscript. When you just can’t seem to put a comma in the write place. Also when you stare at a blank screen and those damn words just don’t seem to cooperate. Then in the end you struggled through those 500 words and you find that really fun moment where you realize you are doing something you love. Yes, happiness is a funny word to describe writing but in the end things in our life that make us happy are things we work for.
  3. My room- I get my own writing room. It really is nice to close the door and be able to have some focus
  4. Theatre- I used to act and I loved it. I still find so much magic in going to live theatre.
  5. Slow snow- Nothing is more peaceful than slow falling snow. It just kind of sparkles.
  6. Anime- Yeah this will always pop up. The stories, the characters, the abs… There really is something for everyone. I just wrote a post on why I love anime. I’m just always happy that I found it.
  7. Urban Fantasy- Gosh I love this genre. The sarcasm really is right up my alley. The action the bit of darkness. The struggle of the characters. It is something I will always enjoy reading.
  8. YA Fantasy- This is a genre that has grown so much and I wish I had this many amazing and diverse books to read when I was a teen. I love the fact that it is something that can be enjoyed for any age and there is something for everyone.
  9. The manga Mars- This was a manga that put me in a reading slump for over a month. The longest ever. Nothing I read could compare to it. I loved the tragic characters. The story. The relationship. It really hit me in a hard way and I want to reread it but I also don’t want to…
  10. Ella Enchanted- This is a ya book that I read every year. I love fractured fairy tales and I love Cinderella stories. Something about an underdog you know? This was one of the first books I read as a young girl that had this spunky female lead. I think before I was used to reading about “nice girls” I loved the character. I think it is safe to say that you will see a bit of Ella in a lot of my female characters. But with more swearing…
  11. Chocolate – This makes me a bit too happy and I think I enjoy it too much.
  12. Hak- Also I have a full post about my husbando.
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    But in case you forgot… ha

    13. Christmas trees- I don’t have one up in my house but honestly I can stare at a Christmas tree for hours. I don’t know what it is about the lights or the tree or the memories in the ornaments. It just makes me feel so happy!

14. The aniblogger community- It makes me so happy to take about anime on here. I don’t get to talk about it much in my life. I’m just so happy I have a safe place to write about anime and talk about it with others.

15. Is this the place where I have to list individual anime? hahaha Honestly 50 things isn’t much but it is a lot to write.

16. Warm socks – My feet are usually really hot but dang in the winter cozy socks are amazing!

17. Writing Conferences- I’m so lucky to go to places that really recharge me as a writer. A place where I met other writers and we check in with each other. I hope you have found a small group of other people that encourage you with what you love to do. If you don’t you can always send me a message and we can talk! I’m awkward but I love to hear about what you love!

18. The fact that I can’t make it to 50 since I rambled on too much but I know you all won’t judge me. Right?

Thank you you again to Lili for the nomination and I’m sorry it took me so long to get to doing this post.

So take some time in this holiday season to think about the things that make you happy!

Happy Watching!

My Name TBR and TBW

First if I want to say I am so thankful for all the tags and awards that I have been nominated for, you all warm my heart that you think of me. Second I want to say sorry that I suck at answering them. I just got nominated by The Moyatorium and at this moment I have time to answer so I’m excited! This one seems a bit hard so lets see if I can do this!

So for every letter of my name I’m going to list a To be read book/manga or a To be watched anime… It looks like I have some repeat letters in my blog name so hopefully I can wake up my brain cells…

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K – King’s Game JK JK I’ve already seen that mess and I’m good… For this I’ll put Kuroko’s Basketball since I’m still in the middle of watching (I just started season three) and that is also a manga that I would like to read. I’ve never been a sports anime fan, but Haikyu!! has changed my life and I really like this anime so far.

I – InuXBoku Secret Service, Wow this has been on my que for a long time… I’ve only heard good things but I have never watched it… It isn’t that long and I may need to just take a few hours and knock it out.

M – Mob Psycho 100. This is another anime that I’ve heard good things about and I’ve held back watching because the art style looks like it will take me awhile to get into.

C – Court of Thorns and Roses a book by Sarah J. Maas. I own the dang thing I just haven’t read it yet… I get distracted by shiny things often.

H – Himouto! Umaru-chan – Due to a review by another blogger- and I’m a jerk and forgot the name- I want to give this anime another chance. I made it about three episodes in if I remember and I didn’t care much for the main character but I hear she shows some growth, so I want to give it another go!UmaruChibi

I- (Yikes another I?) Um… How about The Inexplicable Logic of my Life – It is another book that is in my kindle – that I don’t remember buying- But I own it for some reason and I’m sure it’s good… I just haven’t read it.

S – Sound! Euphonium- I’ve heard also a lot of good things about this anime and one reason I wanted to watch it is because I have a friend who is musical and I’m trying to bring her to the dark side and watch anime so I was looking for a gateway drug for her to enter our world… Muwhahaha!

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My success at converting all my friends to watch anime! AHHH HAHAHAHA

A – Angel Beats – Again I hear great things… I just need to sit my butt down and watch it.

M – (Okay my name has too many letters that are the same…) – The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya- I heard a youtube clip one day of a song on the show and I really liked it so I added it to my Queue and I still have yet to watch it. I really want to, yeah yeah, sit down watch, yada yada 🙂

A – Angels’ Blood – I got this book from a book club member that recommended it. Looks pretty cool nice cover… yeah… haven’t read it yet.

 

So there you go! My list of things that I need to read or watch and now I feel panicked to watch all the things! JK I’ll get to it 😉 Someday… Maybe when there are less shiny things…

I’m going to tag others now and you all know that I’m not great at answering these so don’t feel like you have to, but do check out their blogs for some great content!

The Maniacal Book Unicorn

The Spooky Red Head

Aldael’s Attic

-The Book Worm Drinketh

So there you go!

Happy Watching!