Finding Your Tribe

We all take breaks.

We all need breaks.

In the last few months I’ve been back and gone and back and gone and back and gone… Well you get the point.

Why so many breaks Kimchi?

I wish I could pinpoint it to one thing really. But when things happen they happen all at once. Then you don’t notice that you are falling until you’ve reach the bottom.

3b8ac71a40cf1dd93559c6a711f5953ccac9841c_hq

From there you still have a choice. You can rise up or keep falling down.

Sometimes you can’t do it on your own.

Tribe

I’ve been open about my struggle with suicide and depression. It is a miracle that I am here today. Due to my dear friend answering my text, it was the life line I needed and I grabbed on with shaking hands and a still empty heart.

In these last few years I formed groups with other writers. We video chat on a weekly basis. We talk about our writing, help each other with writers block, and support each other when we need it.

These last few months I was riding high in January after finishing my third book and I really saw it as my best work yet, which made me so excited to see improvement.

Then I tried to start the next book.

It was slow going but I was getting there. Then I stopped.

Then I got sick.

Then I got into more debt due to health.

Three things kept me afloat these years. I had three goals I was working on and as long as one was going strong I felt like the depression was kept at bay.

Writing. Heath. Paying off debt.

Then in March all three went to shit.

2017-01-23-21_25_37-HorribleSubs-3-gatsu-no-Lion-14-1080p.mkv-VLC-media-player

Then I started to stay in bed. Part of me almost realized what was happening. I would go to work (barely it look me forever to get out of bed in the morning). Then I would come home and stay in bed. No yoga, no writing. I guess in my defense I was very sick but you know even things that are out of your control just add more to the pile.

Last week my mind started a dangerous game.

It started to tell me to give up writing. It told me that there was no point since no one would read my books. My mind told me that I shouldn’t bother since I will never be as good as so and so. My mind told me to give up something that brought me so much joy in the last few years. It told me to quit.

Tribe

This time I had backup. I had writers gathered around me to support me. They were going through the same things as me. I wasn’t alone anymore. They asked me what they could do to help me. Honestly just seeing their faces every week helped me.

0309d788f498220f99eede880c0234b31510842490_full

I knew I couldn’t give up writing. My depression isn’t going to win this round. Even though I had to put aside this book to work on something different. I didn’t lose.

It is a battle. All the time. It is a battle we have to fight. I will say it a thousand times. If you feel like you ever need someone to talk to send me a message. I want you to know that you are not alone.

March ended like a lion for me. However, I’m back on track and I know that I have a tribe to back me up.

And all you wonderful anime nerds to hang out with. You are part of my tribe and I’m thankful to have something like this in my life. I can’t promise I won’t disappear again but I want you to know I’m fighting. Thank you for being you :).

March-Comes-in-Like-a-Lion-Season-2-Header-001-20170821

I’m a sucker for a nerd

So I am continuing my journey in the world of webtoons and finding that it is sucking more and more of my time away. I got to the point where now it had to be a reward for after I do my work… Well drat… haha

So in my world where I am trying to be a responsible adult another webtoon that I would like to share with you really touching on everything that I like to see in a story.

Abs.

Okay entry done.

Ha! Okay I’m not that shallow… *cough*

There are many different characters and there is a great showing of diversity in this webtoon. The best part of it being diverse is that what makes the characters diverse doesn’t just make the character. Okay I’ll try to explain.

So in a lot of writers trying to make their work be more diverse with different genders, races, sexualities, and disabilities. They make that item like the most important thing about the character.

For example: In my book I’m writing now I have a character who is bisexual. I actually don’t even say that she is bisexual in the first book or even the second since she just IS bisexual it isn’t the main thing that defines her and I shouldn’t have to make that always the most important thing about her. She has other attributes not just her sexuality.

Am making more sense? Sometimes I feel like I would be better at saying things verbally so I don’t offend people haha.

So back to Let’s Play the creator is doing a wonderful job with diversity without having to slap it in our faces. It is natural and it is real.

I love the extra ways that she personified the main characters social anxiety also.

I always love it when artists put a face to something that we may have to struggle with in our daily lives. The emotocons are the best.

So honestly if you are already done reading “I Love Yoo” check out this webtoon and you won’t be disapointed. Great character, always relatatble, and so much nerd content that it will make your inner nerd child swoon.

Also there is a really cute dog…

So once again I’m sorry dear readers. I’m trying to get you addicted to something else and then you will wait by your phone every Tuesday for this lovely comic to upload. haha

Happy Reading!

Personal Update

I just wanted to mention that I fell really behind in reading your amazing blogs and I probably will miss some of them and it makes me so sad. I had a car accident and that sent me into depression mode for about 4 days where I didn’t do anything. I’m getting back up on my feet, but I wanted you all to know that I didn’t forget about your blogs. I just didn’t do anything because I couldn’t. But I’m rising up again and that is all I can do. I love you all and thank you for being the understanding awesome individuals that you are!

Okay Caligula… You’ve got my attention…

So far this season I’ve watched three shows that were based of games (that I know of) and I think the one that has me the most interested is Caligula. I haven’t played the game and until I’m the lucky owner of a PSVITA I will have to just live in the anime world.

Most of the time when I watch anime that was a game I’m left with a slightly confused feeling like I’m missing something that the ones who played the game would only know. However, as I watched Caligula I really enjoyed the set up and I was confused but in a good way not the ‘something is left out that I should already know’ way. If that makes sense.

First off the visual reminded me of artwork which is always nice. The coloring was quite beautiful and it is a peaceful setting. There are some tidbits of information that seems like something it not as it seems and it keeps you curious as you watch.

In my mind the set up was perfect. Nothing was rushed in the climax of the first episode and it made me want to watch more.

This anime looks like it is going to be an interesting psychological ride something that I was hoping for last fall but wasn’t delivered.

I’m really enjoying the quotes from and the references to psychology I think that give this anime a sense of real-ness and legitimacy of what is happening.

In the end, I’m curious about this anime and I’m excited to see the next episode. I hope it pays off since I was disappointed last year. I’ve seen a lot of good first episodes this season but this was the first one that really had my full attention. Sometimes with turning games into anime it is lackluster so I hope they keep it up. This has an interesting world and set up with a bit of a matrix feel.

This looks like this anime should be an intense ride… Hopefully… Happy watching!

Ohhh Lovely!

I’ve only been blogging a short time and these awards are something new to me! I’m so thankful for all my followers and for all these nominations! Thank you so much and I hope you all keep blogging and keep being awesome!

So many thanks to Ospreyshire for this nomination. If you haven’t checked out his blog with some spoken word poetry do it! Also there are some great reviews on his other site Iridium Eye Reviews of  some indie movies and anime movies that you may not have heard of yet.

 

Here’s how the award works:

1) Thank the person who nominated you and link their blog
2) Add the One Lovely Blog Award to your post
3) Share 7 things about yourself
4) Pass this on to as many people as you like (max 15)
5) Include this set of rules
6) Inform your nominees

So here are 7 things you may not know about me haha I guess besides that fact that I’m an anime nerd…

  1. I have mentioned that I am a teacher….

However, I taught in South Korea right after I graduated from college and lived there for three years. That is part of what inspired my name Kimchisama a mixture of some Korean and Japanese I guess. In Korea they have Kimchi for every meal and it isn’t bad. There are apparently over 100 types of it. While I was there I heard of a Kimchi museum but I never got the chance to go… Wow that was a tangent. Kimchi (This is the video my friend sent be before I went and he said this is all I needed to know about Korea… haha)

Annnny way I taught ESL over there and now I’m back in the states and I teach Debate, Creative Writing, English, and Acting.

2. I rescue dogs…

I am a strong believer in dog adoption and right now I have 4 rescues. 17917145_10100278720081045_4042463307483811412_o

(Don’t mind the trash haha just look at the cute dogs)

The fluffy white one is Casanova and he is my first rescue. I adopted him while I lived in Korea. He came back with me on a long plane ride and he still knows a bit of Korean (even though I forgot most of what I learned).

The little turd is Fabio and he was a rescue right when I got back to the US and he is very grumpy and only likes me. I never wanted to adopt a little dog, but he won over my heart and is the sweetest little jerk in the world.

My two newest are the weinheimer/ terrier mix (who most would call a pit bull) is named Pixel (He came out before the phone I swear). He is nothing but cuddles and love. If I cry he sits on my lap until I’m better. He is the gentlest soul.

The Heeler mix is Yona (named after Yona in Yona of the Dawn I finally got my anime nerd out). She is a ball of fire and needs constant runs, walks, and trick toys. She is too smart for me and does more tricks that her 3 brothers combined. I was going to take her to agility training last summer but the trainer broker her foot so maybe this next summer we can give it a go.

Well there are my babies. I hope to keep rescuing/fostering dogs in my future. It is a lot of work but their love is more than I deserve.

There you have it – I’m a crazy dog lady.

(I could talk about them all day :P)

3. I used to act….

Back in the day… I wanted to be an actress. I was in a lot of plays in high school and college. I really loved it. The theatre was my second home and right now I help a bit with theatre but I think that was one of the best times in my life when I was on stage with my friends. I don’t really want to act now, but I still enjoy going to shows. The theatre is magic and if you’ve never been, give it a shot.

4. I went on a choir tour…

In all honesty I wasn’t the best singer, but in a choir I could blend in my voice with others. We did a tour in Europe and it was a blast.

5. I love to travel…

I used to travel more and now I’m at the point where I want to save more so I can travel again. I miss it and I have a goal to get to at least all 7 continents then I can start working on every country haha! I still need to visit Africa, Australia, and Antarctica. I saw some pictures people took on a trip to Antarctica and now I’ve been dying to go. Mind you I don’t want to cross the continent I just want to see it with my own eyes. The icebergs looked so blue in the picture and I want to see it for myself and penguins… Come on they are adorable. emperor_chicks

5. My favorite author is Brandon Sanderson….

And I stalk him… JK, but one time I went to every panel he was on and at the end of one I was right behind him and he asked me, “Did you want a picture with me?” I about died and took a million pictures… JK just one, but it was awesome. He is great to his fans and an amazing writer. Excuse my fan-girl moment…

6. I enjoy YA books…

On the wonderful world of facebook I used to see articles on why adults shouldn’t read YA books. Yeah, never believe that **** Read what you want, watch what you want. If you enjoy it and you aren’t breaking any laws… Watch it, read it. Don’t let anyone tell you what you can and can’t like. This is a rant of mine so I’ll stop.

7. I hope to publish a book someday…

I saved this one for last since I didn’t know how personal I would get haha. I would write poems and stories from the time I was 5 or even younger. I would make my mom type out my poems for me on my dad’s old type writer. I still remember my first poem:

The cricket the cricket

Is black as night

When he jumps out at you

He gives you a fright

Award winning am I right? Later on and when I knew how to type on my own I worked on my epic fantasy. I would write everyday and save it on my floppy disk (did I just give away my age?) I thought it was the best epic fantasy to hit the world. Then one day my floppy disk wouldn’t work and I lost the whole book. I was so discouraged I didn’t write for a long time. However, in the end I finally got it to work and then I printed off this masterpiece so I could save it forever. Years later and reading it now is quite humorous. It was a piece of crap, but first books always are.

Then I wrote a YA romance book and all my friends loved it. It even made one cry (after all the boy fell off a cliff and died a horrific death…) I sent it in and got my very first rejection letter. That was rough, I didn’t know that this was the norm for writers. I just wrote because it was in my blood. I didn’t understand that for every acceptance there are a hundred (or more) rejections.

So I stopped writing.

Then I wrote a few poems here and there and decided to take a creative writing class in college. I wrote short stories and they were okay. Writing was always there in my background but I was afraid to get rejected, to fail.

After college I always said I would write. I would start book after book and then stop. I wasn’t dedicated to writing every day. After all if you don’t try you never fail right? I was scared. I didn’t want my claim to being a writer to just be met with rejection. I felt like a fraud like I didn’t belong in this world of authors and creators.

So I stopped.

For some reason I decided to go to a writing conference. I mostly went because Brandon Sanderson was there and I wanted to listen to  him and fan-girl over him.

I got encouragement and after the conference I was on fire to write!

It lasted a month.

So I went to the conference again next year and the next. I kept going and I would try to write for a month then I would stop again.

Lets jump forward to the year 2017. I went to the conference. I was depressed. I contemplated suicide. I felt like there were no goals left in my life to live for. I couldn’t afford to travel and I didn’t write. What was left? This was going to be my last time going to this conference. I was a fraud. These other authors were trying to get published and they were working hard. I was there playing at being an author. I would tell them about my idea and what I wanted but I would never get past just the ideas.

Then I sat down and was at dinner with 6 other people at the conference and an author who was there to talk to us and it was a great opportunity for aspiring authors. He went around the table and asked what we wanted. He looked us dead in the eye and asked each of us. When get got to me I couldn’t handle it anymore.

“I don’t want to be a fraud.”

I burst into tears. I confessed to not writing, to my doubt, and my pain. I told him that this was the end for me and I was going to give up this goal since it was more painful to try and hold onto it than to try writing and failing.

He looked me in the eyes and told me that I was done with my doubt and that I was going to send him my finished book in December. He told me about how he struggles with creating also and that it was always going to be tough, but if I was serious I was going to finish my book.

Another friend at the conference called me every Sunday to check on my progress and slowly the book that I had in my head began to take shape this year. There were days when I could only write 100 words and days when I would write over 2000 but in the summer I finished my first draft. It wasn’t perfect, but it was mine.

Right now I’m on the final edits before I send it to the author before my deadline this December. Will this book get published? I don’t know. Will I write the next one? Yes.

Writing isn’t easy. It takes work to sit down and write and to trust yourself that you will pick the right words. My grammar isn’t great and it is hard to self edit myself, but I’m learning. I’m learning to just put the words on the page.

It was a long journey to get to where I am now. I have a feeling of joy inside and a purpose. I write this to reach out to you. It can be a bit frightening to be so open on the internet. Especially on a blog about anime haha.

Is there something in your life that you aren’t doing because you are afraid of failure? Do you think that you aren’t good enough so you don’t even try?

I honestly believe that we all are born with something inside of us that is a gift. We still need to work at it and improve on it, but we have a gift and a purpose. It can be anything that brings you joy. I hope that you don’t give up on your dream and that you keep working on it. Surround yourself with those who can support you.

I believe in you.

 

Thank you dear followers for reading my blog. You are lovely and wonderful people. I want to learn about your hopes and dreams and your purpose. Thank you for reading.

Nominations:

ARCHI-ANIME

The Otaku Judge

Shokamoka

Rose

The Spooky Red Head

YAHARI BENTO!!

Keiko

Plebby

Also all of you are lovely so I would love to read 7 thing about you! Happy watching!

 

Why did I like MMO Junkie so much?

I had a short post on MMO Junkie about halfway through the short season and I found myself enjoying it so much that I declared it was my favorite (new) show this fall. Now that the season is wrapped up I want to reflect a bit on why I liked it so much.

tumblr_oxzhd664se1wzl06zo2_540

First, lets take an honest look at why this show wouldn’t be consider special by some standards. Did I like this show just because it was a break from all the killing anime this fall? Was I just in need of a fresh romance? You can look at the premise and some say “oh nice a female NEET we don’t get that very often,” but then it is still a slow moving romance where you are just like, “Come on! Just kiss her already! Tell him/her how you feel!” I can sense the frustration at the ending. Okay, they are going on a “date” is that all we really get? Yeah, I myself wished for a bit more from the end, but then if we get those romantic moments it would have destroyed the show. Let me explain…

Morioka seems to be suffering from social anxiety (let me play doctor here, sorry if I’m way off, Theatre major here, haha) and a bit of OCD (she cleans her rug with a lint roller every time she feels a bit anxious). If their relationship at that point would have went beyond the hand holding it would have been like “Oh yeah, I’m cured, you too can get rid of anxiety too my fellow NEETs!” No. It doesn’t work like that. This anime is special because the characters are true to how they were created. It can be painful to watch but that is what makes it so good if you give it a chance. An honest look at how people have miscommunication and are worried about everything in relationships. From getting that first response to your message to having someone text you something and you misread the tone.

Moriko needed the time to feel safe with Lily before she could let Sakurai in her life.

She has so much self doubt and the MMO game in a way saved her. When I watched the first episode again I realized that she came in on the last day of her job. I didn’t notice this small detail and it really put the whole timeline into perspective when she started the new MMO game. Just in the brief flashbacks of her at her work place you could feel her tension and and stress. The anime just touched a bit on this and I really really wish that we would have seen a bit more of this to flesh out her choice to become a NEET. I think that would have given a lot of watchers some closure on her backstory. However, we only got 10 episodes so they probably had a lot to squeeze in and the slow burning romance would have been lost.

The truest moment for me as a female was in the episode where Morioka went to get food with Sakurai and jumped to the conclusionnetjuu_02-1 that the female emploie thought that they didn’t belong together since Sakurai is so good looking. This is a theme throughout the anime since they met. She thinks she doesn’t deserve to be with someone handsome or so kind. She thinks she is useless since she is a NEET.  She is ashamed that the loves MMO games. She doesn’t understand why she is like this.

How many times do people put themselves down in life because we think we are imposters? That we don’t belong somewhere? A lot of us like anime, and I see often that we are judged just on that aspect in our life by those who don’t like anime or understand it. It is hard to go through the world and not think that people are judging us and sometimes get to the point where we don’t care about what others think. That takes some time and courage. Morioka is just getting to the start of her journey at the end of the season.

I do think this anime was a nice break from the killing anime this fall and from some of the really confusing anime also. Maybe that is part of what made it stand out so much for me. In a world of high school romance anime this one does stand out. It has a very honest look into problems that adults face when things at work can get to be too much and there is only the “suck it up” option. A nice side plot that you can find a family of oddballs online and they can turn into true friends. Sometimes us weirdos just need to find each other and thankfully the internet with blogs and MMO games lets us do that.

5a5efe06d9071dc8f1363f5c2fdf67b8

I guess in the end I like this so much because I can just honestly relate to Morioka. I see myself in her and like her I keep pushing forward and I hope you do too.

I’ll get off my soap box and just mention that since I started this blog I’ve enjoyed reading and interacting with all you dear followers! Thank you for following me and thank you for reading. I do have my book deadline at the end of this month so I hope to be able to keep up the posts! Happy watching!