Finding Your Tribe

We all take breaks.

We all need breaks.

In the last few months I’ve been back and gone and back and gone and back and gone… Well you get the point.

Why so many breaks Kimchi?

I wish I could pinpoint it to one thing really. But when things happen they happen all at once. Then you don’t notice that you are falling until you’ve reach the bottom.

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From there you still have a choice. You can rise up or keep falling down.

Sometimes you can’t do it on your own.

Tribe

I’ve been open about my struggle with suicide and depression. It is a miracle that I am here today. Due to my dear friend answering my text, it was the life line I needed and I grabbed on with shaking hands and a still empty heart.

In these last few years I formed groups with other writers. We video chat on a weekly basis. We talk about our writing, help each other with writers block, and support each other when we need it.

These last few months I was riding high in January after finishing my third book and I really saw it as my best work yet, which made me so excited to see improvement.

Then I tried to start the next book.

It was slow going but I was getting there. Then I stopped.

Then I got sick.

Then I got into more debt due to health.

Three things kept me afloat these years. I had three goals I was working on and as long as one was going strong I felt like the depression was kept at bay.

Writing. Heath. Paying off debt.

Then in March all three went to shit.

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Then I started to stay in bed. Part of me almost realized what was happening. I would go to work (barely it look me forever to get out of bed in the morning). Then I would come home and stay in bed. No yoga, no writing. I guess in my defense I was very sick but you know even things that are out of your control just add more to the pile.

Last week my mind started a dangerous game.

It started to tell me to give up writing. It told me that there was no point since no one would read my books. My mind told me that I shouldn’t bother since I will never be as good as so and so. My mind told me to give up something that brought me so much joy in the last few years. It told me to quit.

Tribe

This time I had backup. I had writers gathered around me to support me. They were going through the same things as me. I wasn’t alone anymore. They asked me what they could do to help me. Honestly just seeing their faces every week helped me.

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I knew I couldn’t give up writing. My depression isn’t going to win this round. Even though I had to put aside this book to work on something different. I didn’t lose.

It is a battle. All the time. It is a battle we have to fight. I will say it a thousand times. If you feel like you ever need someone to talk to send me a message. I want you to know that you are not alone.

March ended like a lion for me. However, I’m back on track and I know that I have a tribe to back me up.

And all you wonderful anime nerds to hang out with. You are part of my tribe and I’m thankful to have something like this in my life. I can’t promise I won’t disappear again but I want you to know I’m fighting. Thank you for being you :).

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Dream Chaser

When I started this blog I never knew that something would take me away from it for so long.

Gosh, I love anime. I think you all can relate. Also I love all of those people who love anime. Like I said before when someone says they like anime it really is like an instant connection.

One of my writing friends talked about recently how sometimes in life he tries to keep things balanced. When he pays more attention to one thing the others start to fall.

I never related to that so much. I’ve been writing a book… Some of you may remember. I hope I haven’t been completely forgotten!

I finished it and edited it and this Friday I’m going to pitch it to an agent (the first of many probably). This book really flowed. It had rough days but in the end I really dedicated my time to it… Thus the other writing in my life, this blog, fell to the side. I lost my balance.

In the next weeks I hope to regain some of that and also catch up to what you all have been doing! I’ve missed you so much, and I can wait to read and see what’s been going on…

Also, I’ve really needed some Promised Neverland discussion in my life. Oh my word I sit and wait for that anime to upload.

Keep me in your thoughts this week as I go out to a conference and try to pitch this new novel. It is the best things I’ve written so far and I’m excited to see how I keep improving!Sarah Scribbles

Things that make me Happy!

I was nominated by Lilisblissfulpages to list 50 things that make me happy

Check out her blog for read book insights and also the Read-A-Thon (Did you just rename it?) 24 hours of straight reading! I have yet to make it that long haha!

This is really a good time of year to be thinking of these things in our lives. We just pasted Thanksgiving in the states and we are coming up on Christmas. These last few years it has been good to focus on non-material things since I haven’t had the money to buy my family any gifts. I always tell them to not get me anything either. It really is nice just to be with them. I have brothers that I rarely get to see and most of the time they don’t come to Christmas so it tends to just be me and my parents.

So lets see how far I get down this list of 50!

  1. Dogs- and honestly animal in general. I love my four rescues and they are really like my children.

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    So freaking cute! The white fluff is my first adopted one when I lived in Korea 😀
  2. Writing- It is always fun to put down writing as something that makes me happy. Because if you write (hey bloggers) you know how frustrating writing can be. How you find that you used the word slowly 175 times in your manuscript. When you just can’t seem to put a comma in the write place. Also when you stare at a blank screen and those damn words just don’t seem to cooperate. Then in the end you struggled through those 500 words and you find that really fun moment where you realize you are doing something you love. Yes, happiness is a funny word to describe writing but in the end things in our life that make us happy are things we work for.
  3. My room- I get my own writing room. It really is nice to close the door and be able to have some focus
  4. Theatre- I used to act and I loved it. I still find so much magic in going to live theatre.
  5. Slow snow- Nothing is more peaceful than slow falling snow. It just kind of sparkles.
  6. Anime- Yeah this will always pop up. The stories, the characters, the abs… There really is something for everyone. I just wrote a post on why I love anime. I’m just always happy that I found it.
  7. Urban Fantasy- Gosh I love this genre. The sarcasm really is right up my alley. The action the bit of darkness. The struggle of the characters. It is something I will always enjoy reading.
  8. YA Fantasy- This is a genre that has grown so much and I wish I had this many amazing and diverse books to read when I was a teen. I love the fact that it is something that can be enjoyed for any age and there is something for everyone.
  9. The manga Mars- This was a manga that put me in a reading slump for over a month. The longest ever. Nothing I read could compare to it. I loved the tragic characters. The story. The relationship. It really hit me in a hard way and I want to reread it but I also don’t want to…
  10. Ella Enchanted- This is a ya book that I read every year. I love fractured fairy tales and I love Cinderella stories. Something about an underdog you know? This was one of the first books I read as a young girl that had this spunky female lead. I think before I was used to reading about “nice girls” I loved the character. I think it is safe to say that you will see a bit of Ella in a lot of my female characters. But with more swearing…
  11. Chocolate – This makes me a bit too happy and I think I enjoy it too much.
  12. Hak- Also I have a full post about my husbando.
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    But in case you forgot… ha

    13. Christmas trees- I don’t have one up in my house but honestly I can stare at a Christmas tree for hours. I don’t know what it is about the lights or the tree or the memories in the ornaments. It just makes me feel so happy!

14. The aniblogger community- It makes me so happy to take about anime on here. I don’t get to talk about it much in my life. I’m just so happy I have a safe place to write about anime and talk about it with others.

15. Is this the place where I have to list individual anime? hahaha Honestly 50 things isn’t much but it is a lot to write.

16. Warm socks – My feet are usually really hot but dang in the winter cozy socks are amazing!

17. Writing Conferences- I’m so lucky to go to places that really recharge me as a writer. A place where I met other writers and we check in with each other. I hope you have found a small group of other people that encourage you with what you love to do. If you don’t you can always send me a message and we can talk! I’m awkward but I love to hear about what you love!

18. The fact that I can’t make it to 50 since I rambled on too much but I know you all won’t judge me. Right?

Thank you you again to Lili for the nomination and I’m sorry it took me so long to get to doing this post.

So take some time in this holiday season to think about the things that make you happy!

Happy Watching!

Why I Still Love Anime

I’m honored that Ty-chama tagged me in her post. She is newer to the world of aniblogging and has wonderful  blog posts. So I encourage you all to check out her blog!

In this challenge we are to:

  • Write a post about why you love anime. It could be your favourite thing about it or one of your favourite things about it, it doesn’t matter which, but just pick one!
  • You can get as personal or as impersonal as you like. You might want to write about how anime helped you through a tough time or something that it has taught you or you might want to write about just how much fun you’ve had watching it over the years. Your choice
  • Nominate three bloggers to do the same
  • Link back to this post. I would love to see what you’ve written and I may compile a list of my favourite entries further down the line

Sometimes we can have a love hate thing with anime. I don’t know how many times I quit watching something when another kick ass female character became mush over a potato of a lead male. (Wow do I have some issues haha. I’ve been burned too many times before).

However, from amazing stories (Psycho Pass) to unique world building (Made in the Abyss) to freaking awesome characters (Yona of the Dawn) I have a deep love for anime.

But one thing over the last two years has really become my favorite thing about anime. It is like a secret instant friendship.

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When you meet someone who likes the same anime

Some may already have heard this story many times but I never wanted to tell people about my healthy *cough* obsession with anime. It was something that even among my friends was looked down on that I would watch child “cartoons”  or be a weeb (spoken with a sneer).

Then to make a long story short I honestly stopped letting other people steal my  joy. I subscribed to anime boxes and got awesome shirts. I hung posters of anime in my classroom. I proudly wore my AoT hoodie. Then I notices a shift. My pride in liking something drew in others.

It was like you could form an instant bond with anyone just by liking anime… And it was AWESOME!

 

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You like Yona? ME TOO!

I found students coming up to me recommending anime. I started a blog about anime and found more awesome people. I honestly feel like I can be the most open on this blog about my healthy *cough* obsession with 2D boys.

And I kid you not, just happened yesterday, during the last fifteen minutes of my creative writing class we just talked about anime. Anime is helping me build relationships with students. To me that is the most important thing a teacher can do!

Now I know that there always will be those who say that you can’t be a true anime fan for reason blah blah or blah blah… Honestly, I just have to laugh and wish them well. They are missing out of one of my favorite things about anime. The bond you can share with other anime lovers.

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Walk proud my fellow otakus!

Thank you again Ty-chama for the nomination and I hope you all take a moment to think about your favorite things in anime.

In the mean time I will tag (and no pressure especially coming from me the queen of forgetting to answer tags)

Raistlin

magicconan

The Otaku Judge

Happy watching!

 

Life is expensive for Otaku

So how many streaming services do you subscribe to? How much manga is stacked around your room? Figures? Posters? Subscription boxes?

Sometimes I look around at my room seeing the stacks on manga, see all my streaming apps on my iPad, and then I do the math in my head. Yeah, it is expensive sometimes to be an otaku.

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Sometimes I like to joke about “going illegal” as I subscribe to yet another streaming service that has an anime that I want to watch… (I think I regret getting HIDIVE for Devil’s Line lol) or movies that I want to see RIGHT NOW… I’ve learn patience while nursing my addiction and waiting for DVDs to come out.

Now that I have received a very very generous give of a psvita….

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I’m scraping together my extra money to buy games that I’ve been wanting to play for a long time… (Code:  Realize was worth all the hype).

I really don’t know where I’m going with this post, but looking at my wonderful stacks of manga I’m happy that I can support other artists in some way.

Yes, there may be somethings that I don’t get to see or read right away. Some manga that I follow and buy the volumes as they come out online. But the money… The money…

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Sometimes I have to reevaluate and look at what subscriptions I really need. I think Crunchy will probably be around for a long time. Then I have to cancel others until, you know, that next cool looking anime comes out.

In the end, I know that I want to be a writer. If I can do my part to support anime, mangakas, authors, and other artist then maybe other creatives will get more support. If that means that more anime comes to the states then that will be money well spent. More manga gets translated and published? Heck yeah!

So my hobby can be an expensive one, but it also gives so much back. Inspiration, laughter, and an awesome community that is also passionate about these things. Also there could be worse things to spend money on. Like food… jk…

I want to thank you all for supporting creatives. It can be tough sometimes when our wallets get lighter, but it is all worth it.

Happy Watching!

Only 50 in blog posts- not in years…

These last two weeks in blogger land I’ve had to play a bit of catch up with reading posts and I hope I didn’t miss any. The wordpress reader tends to be fickle like that. I am still living off the conference high and this last weekend was amazing! Not only were all the writers super friendly I met some amazing people and I can’t wait to see what they do in the future.

I’m still a bit blurry eyed since I drove through the night to get home. Paying for hotels for these conferences can be a killer so I tried to save a bit of money lol.

Once again thank you all for your supportive comments and reading your posts helped me get a bit of a break since networking can be super weird for an introvert.

The first conference, I didn’t get asked to send any pages. At that moment those editors and agents weren’t looking for a story like mine. There is a bit of luck throw in to trying to get published traditionally and if your genre isn’t being bought then it can be even harder.

However, this last conference I got a request for 50 pages to be sent. That was a nice feeling and I’m excited to send off my little pages and see if anything happens. I guess I’m better at verbal pitching which is a bit funny to me. Since sometimes it can go a bit like this…

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If any of you are familiar with the publishing word most agencies only take on about 2% new clients requests every year. So even if you get pages requested it is still a bit of a long shot. And like I said before… Most publishers aren’t buying urban fantasy right now so most agents will not want to take me on at the moment.

In the end, I feel this lovely feeling of hope inside of me. I know it is a long hard road to get published, but I’m so excited about writing and my book that I just can’t help but feeling happy. For each form rejection letter I get and add to the pile I just feel even more motivated. It is weird… Last year a rejection would have crushed me. But I’ve come to realize that writing is what I love and as long as I am writing the other thing tend to fall to the side. Giving up isn’t an option. Not writing isn’t an option. Just have to keep going.

Now that my conference trips are done for now, I’ll be back to the regular world of blogging and watching anime. This was kind of a weird 50th blog post…

But!

But!

But!

I will share something special with you all! I went on deviant art and found an artist to draw my main character in my book! Jéssica Pegoraro took on my commission and did a beautiful job! If any of you want her email for commissions just shoot me a message and I will send it your way!

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I know it may sound a bit silly, but I wanted to get my main character drawn… She had been living in my head for so long it is really fun to see her. I may commission the rest of my main characters as well.

So I will get back to writing and anime watching and I hope you all have been well!

Happy Watching!