Thank You Followers/My Reasons Why Award

There were plans for a special post when I reached 200 followers. This post is not only to thank you all so much for following me but the post concept changed from what I originally planned it to be. So please hang with me for a moment and I hope you understand my words and my heart behind this post. This will be a post of just words and I hope they reach you.

I am so thankful to each and every follower. In my dreams I never imagined to have even a single person read my ramblings and somewhat messy words. I’m still trying to improve at my self editing… It is a learning process. I would like have a few special thank yous that helped me continue with this blog when it was just supposed to be a nine week project.

First thanks to tetrax4berium for being my very first follower! I hope you return soon and wish you luck with all that is going on with your life.

Second thanks to Karandi for being my very first like! I was surprised that anyone found my blog. What a huge part of the aniblogging world you are and thank you for always encouraging those who just are starting.

Third thanks to Ospreyshire who really started on my commenting and I had many interesting conversations with at the start of my blog. He helped me think about being a member who does more than just like posts but to engage in the community of bloggers.

Fourth thanks to Arthifis for nominating me for my first every award on wordpress. I was so shocked and honored.

Thank you all so much for your comments, for your nominations, and for just being you. I’ve read and enjoyed your words so much I don’t think I can even put it into words. You all have been vulnerable, open, and honest. There is a theme of books, anime, comics, passion, and uniqueness that can be so overwhelming. This is truly a wonderful positive place on the internet and everyone should be proud of the community that they have created here. Thank you. Thank you so much.

So in honor of my wonderful 200 followers I am creating an award for wordpress. I don’t even know if it is legal, but this had been on my heart and I hope you read the background and understand why.

 

Some may or may not remember that I am a teacher. I work in a high school and it comes with its daily troubles and joys. I will be honest with you. My heart is breaking for my students. In the last two months four students have taken their lives. A sad feeling of desperation have filled the halls of my high school. A sense of powerlessness has filled the hearts of the teachers and students. Steps are being taken and in trying to reach all those around us, we feel like failures. How can I show my students that they are loved and important on a daily bases? How badly will I fail? Will I say the wrong thing or stay silent at the wrong moment?

These and more all all thoughts that have filled my mind in these last two months. I have been open on here about my own attempt at suicide and what it took for me to crawl and claw my way up again. It is odd to think that I wouldn’t be here now if it wasn’t for one text sent at the right time when I asked my friend a question. “What is the point of all this?” He answered, not telling me to grow up or get over it or forcing me to be happy. He listened and got down on my level and related to me. Human to human. Agreeing that life can be a shitstorm, but trying to remember the good parts of people and that there is still something to live for.

There was a post by Lina that talked about making a list of reasons. This award is going to be about making your reasons. Your reasons why to keep living- to keep going. Maybe at this point you don’t have an issue with depression and that is okay. Sometimes it is still good to think of all the good things in your life. Maybe you think that you have nothing and you can’t make a list of reasons. I’m going to tell you now that THERE IS NO SMALL REASON. Dig deep. Deeper if you must. There is always a reason for you to keep going and living and breathing. Maybe one of your reasons to live is that so in the morning you can eat bacon. That you will stay alive just to eat bacon again. To me this isn’t a small or silly reason. It is true to yourself and if you are every going through a rough time maybe the smallest reason will reach your heart.

So here are the rules you copy and paste:

1. Mention the person who nominated you

2. List 13 reasons why you keep going/living (This is borrowed from the book but I’m taking it the opposite direction).

3. Nominate 10 or more people to give their reasons why.

4. Use the picture that I created in your post. I’m sorry that I’m a bit bad a making these things… But I tried 🙂

Now, without further adieu here are my reasons:

  1. My four beautiful dogs. They have all been rescued and show me on a daily bases what selfless love it. Some of them have been abused and yet they trust humans and will give all the love they have in their hearts. I really don’t deserve them.
  2. My college friends. I don’t have a huge circle of people who like/know me, but in my small circle I found people who are open about their struggles and we support each other even though we are far away.
  3. Anime. There is something wonderful about this form of entertainment. It makes me think, laugh, and enjoy sometime the ridiculous.
  4. Books/manga Books have been my first true friends, maybe that is silly but they’ve always provided adventure when I’ve felt stuck in one place. Friends when I was alone. Also I have so many ongoing manga that I am following that there is no way I don’t want to be on this earth to finish some of these stories!
  5. My family. I haven’t been close to my brothers, but some of that is starting to change and I want to see where the relationships will go. My mother and father have been my first fans and I’m fortunate to have family that will support me. I know this isn’t the case with everyone.
  6. My writing community. This is for the other authors I have meet at conferences that have encouraged me and are the reason why I have started writing. Now that writing is in my life my depression has faded so much. It is something that bring me frustration and joy. It is amazing creating something and without it in my life I was so lost.
  7. WordPress. We all have our quirks with wordpress haha, but without it I would never have found this community of glorious nerds. Freedom to talk about anime and all the things I never get a chance to talk about in real life.
  8. My job. As frustrating as being a teacher can be there are great rewards involved. It is my hope to reach and inspire students to be happy with who they are. Free to love who and what they want. Never to judge them for liking the things they like. I know what it is like to be called weird and I never want them to get that feeling from me.
  9. Writing. Just the fact that I can write. That I have stories and adventures in my head. That I have hope when I write. That I believe in magic.
  10. Pasta 🙂 Gosh something about pasta just makes me happy. I love the taste and especially if my mom makes it haha!
  11. Quiet moment. Sometimes when I write I look out my window and just seeing the wind blow through the trees and watching the fat pigeons in the backyard. It is a peaceful moment.
  12. Hot Fries. The snack that I love to hate… If you have eaten these you will understand…
  13. You. You are my reason. Thank you for being you. There is no one like you in the world. I hope you see the good in yourself and believe in yourself to keep going. If you ever, ever need someone please send a message. Write a post. I pray you will find the warmth in this life. Know that darkness can be so hard to survive, but you go on and keep living. That is what makes you, you.

I nominate:

Arthifis

Irina

CouchCruisin

Jon Spencer

nesha e moe404

Chizurue

Ospreyshire

Auri

ARCHI-ANIME

The Otaku Judge

The Moyatorium

Aldael

Karandi

Komorebi

Lina

Crimson

The BookWorm Drinketh

Angelica

Kitty-chlo

I went a bit nomination crazy. In the end I think you all are awesome and there is no pressure to make a post. If anything I want you to think of these things and maybe write them down on your own. Even if I didn’t and you want to make this post, I hope you will. You don’t need to have a nomination to write down your reasons. If I had the stamina I would link all 204 followers. At this point my fingers are giving out :).

Thank you all once again. I cannot say it enough. Thank you all for being my reasons to stay on this earth. I hope you all know how special you are to me. I may not be the best spoken or written but once again I hope my heart reaches you. As always…

Happy watching :).

 

 

A Redemption Story

I finally got an opportunity to watch “A Silent Voice” (Koe no Katachi) and I can see why it was one of the top anime movies last year. In anime there are many themes of bullying and I think this is helping to bring a bit of awareness to what goes on in school and the little that is often done to stop it. I’ve mentioned these things before in my post about the anime March Comes in like a Lion. In that anime and this movie little is done to stop the bullying.

In this movie the main character Ishida is a young boy at the start. He seems a bit like the devil may care type and the ring leader of his small group of friends. Then one day a new student is introduced.

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Nishimiya is deaf and she wears a hearing aid. She mostly communicates with her notebook and the students are understanding at first but slowly that turns in to resentment. They don’t want to help her and nothing is done in class to make her life any easier which is extremely sad. One teacher tries to have the students learn sign language to communicate and only one student offers to learn. When that student leaves Nishimiya is bullied to the extreme and also the students destroy her hearing aids multiple times.

 

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When the principal finally confronts the class they all point fingers at Ishida. In typical mob fashion he now becomes the one getting bullied. This goes on through grades school and in middles school some of his old friends point him out at a bully (ironic huh?) and they continues to ignore him. He is isolated.

At the start of the movie we see him wrapping up the last bits of his life and getting ready to kill himself.

 

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Instead he stops himself and goes to see the one that he bullied in grade school. Thus his redemption story begins.

Now at this point Nishimiya is a bigger person than I could ever be. If I ran into a bully I probably would not be so kind. Her character however, is one that will always blame herself for anything bad happening to others. She is always apologizing and believes she ruins everything. She is forgiving and they build a tentative friendship.

It is hard for me to feel sympathy for bullies this movie does a great job building up Ishida’s character. He rather take on the isolation and believes that he deserves it all after what he did to Nishimiya. I guess part of me would have to agree with him. He gets to the point where he can’t look at anyone face and the movies visuals show giant X’s over everyone face and their voices are muted to him.

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We can see his regret and we see the situation that he puts himself in to do penance for what he did. He took on all the blame for what everyone did to her in grade school. He shows remorse and tries in his own way to make Nishimiya happy.

This next bit will have spoilers so if you haven’t watched the movie you may want to stop reading.

In this movie it starts out with him wanting to kill himself. He is isolated and alone. He pays back the money to his mother and cleans his room. Then bringing Nishimiya into his life stopped him. In this whole journey I don’t think he realized her true feelings and how she views herself as a burden to everyone.

The small group of friends that the built is destroyed after the bullying is brought up again. I’m annoyed at the character Kawai and how she never admits to her part in what was done to Nishimiya. There is never any redemption for the other bullies and one of them didn’t even change and everyone seemed okay with it? That part was a bit hard to swallow. So when this small group that came together fell apart Nishimiya takes the blame on herself.

 

 

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Ishida finds her getting ready to jump off the balcony of her high rise. Her story of feeling useless and a burden didn’t really shine through to me until this moment. As I was watching Ishida grow I wasn’t seeing her destruction.

As much as she had a loving family and support she kept apologizing for everything that went wrong. She just got to the point where she tried to fix things by dying.

In the end the friendships they made will never be fixed if someone leaves the world. Sometimes when you are depressed you don’t see that. You only see yourself as the problem and that the world will be better off if you are not in it.

That is never true. The world will always be less without you.

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The characters in this movie find the strength to come together again and support each other. I’ve heard that the side characters are fleshed out more in the manga but I’m glad that their was a main focus to this movie. There wasn’t enough time but the message is clear about seeing the value in others.

I hope you get a chance to watch this movie. I hope that you know that you are someone important. This isn’t just a nice message for a movie but to take with you in life. If you ever need someone to talk to send me a message and if you ever think that the world is better without you I hope you reconsider. I’m including a link for the suicide prevention hotline and I hope if the person you want to talk to isn’t free that you call or text them. They are there 24/7.

To borrow words from Mr. Rogers at this point… I’m not trying to be cheesy since I honestly believe what he says, “There’s just one person in the whole world like you, and people can like you just the way you are.”

Happy watching!