Finding Your Tribe

We all take breaks.

We all need breaks.

In the last few months I’ve been back and gone and back and gone and back and gone… Well you get the point.

Why so many breaks Kimchi?

I wish I could pinpoint it to one thing really. But when things happen they happen all at once. Then you don’t notice that you are falling until you’ve reach the bottom.

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From there you still have a choice. You can rise up or keep falling down.

Sometimes you can’t do it on your own.

Tribe

I’ve been open about my struggle with suicide and depression. It is a miracle that I am here today. Due to my dear friend answering my text, it was the life line I needed and I grabbed on with shaking hands and a still empty heart.

In these last few years I formed groups with other writers. We video chat on a weekly basis. We talk about our writing, help each other with writers block, and support each other when we need it.

These last few months I was riding high in January after finishing my third book and I really saw it as my best work yet, which made me so excited to see improvement.

Then I tried to start the next book.

It was slow going but I was getting there. Then I stopped.

Then I got sick.

Then I got into more debt due to health.

Three things kept me afloat these years. I had three goals I was working on and as long as one was going strong I felt like the depression was kept at bay.

Writing. Heath. Paying off debt.

Then in March all three went to shit.

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Then I started to stay in bed. Part of me almost realized what was happening. I would go to work (barely it look me forever to get out of bed in the morning). Then I would come home and stay in bed. No yoga, no writing. I guess in my defense I was very sick but you know even things that are out of your control just add more to the pile.

Last week my mind started a dangerous game.

It started to tell me to give up writing. It told me that there was no point since no one would read my books. My mind told me that I shouldn’t bother since I will never be as good as so and so. My mind told me to give up something that brought me so much joy in the last few years. It told me to quit.

Tribe

This time I had backup. I had writers gathered around me to support me. They were going through the same things as me. I wasn’t alone anymore. They asked me what they could do to help me. Honestly just seeing their faces every week helped me.

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I knew I couldn’t give up writing. My depression isn’t going to win this round. Even though I had to put aside this book to work on something different. I didn’t lose.

It is a battle. All the time. It is a battle we have to fight. I will say it a thousand times. If you feel like you ever need someone to talk to send me a message. I want you to know that you are not alone.

March ended like a lion for me. However, I’m back on track and I know that I have a tribe to back me up.

And all you wonderful anime nerds to hang out with. You are part of my tribe and I’m thankful to have something like this in my life. I can’t promise I won’t disappear again but I want you to know I’m fighting. Thank you for being you :).

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I like what I like… Until…

There is that genre that we tend to avoid. You know when the story sounds pretty cool then you see that it’s a certain genre… It can be an automatic pass. You know there is no judgement from me since I am a serial abuser of the “I don’t like_____ .”

Mostly it has to do with harems. I really don’t like them. I also should mention that I am a super hypocrite since I like some reverse harems. So I’ll just lay it all out there that I am a super hypocrite. Or I could argue that there is a bit of difference and that to me it is the personality of the main character… blah blah blah.

But I’m actually want to write about those few harems that snuck through my instant reject and turned into something that I enjoyed.

Something that frustrates me is my own lack of research. So I’m the only one to be blamed here. When I’m watching an anime and it is okay but I stop watching once girl number two falls in love with potato boy. At that point I’m done. The anime already failed me in the fact that the main character is not a believable love interest. For any harem to work (for me) I have to believe that one person would be awesome enough to have multiple love interests… (I had to rage quit Accel World)

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He is cuter as a pig but the constant crying… Thank you, next.

So it in the end I’ve only watched very few harem anime all the way to the end. Also if I see one male surrounded by women in the picture I tend to pass.

Now for the ones that I found myself enjoying. These I guess have a darker themes and I think a way stronger male lead.

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This anime will be getting a second season soon which I’m pretty excited about. However, Re: zero was a hard sell at first. When I first watched it I didn’t make it through the first episode. Then for some reason I tried it again and I think the darker elements really drew me in. I also started to like the how the main character grew with each rebirth. He didn’t stay the same and and that really sold me on him as a harem leader lol.

I did also like that he had to earn one of his love interests loyalty. He never knew if they were going to kill him or not. Pretty fun. Nothing like keeping your man on his toes.

Shield hero

 

The Rising of the Shield Hero is a recent anime that I’m really enjoying. For me Naofumi is a great character. He is a bit refreshing to me as an harem lead. For one I don’t see him crying all the time and also he isn’t awkwardly blushing all the time. I really like that. He was the typical nerd but I like that he is more hardened and that he really changed and grew as a character.

It really is a story line that makes sense. Normally I would be done at the first lollicon (something that makes me insta quit… sorry just not my thing) but the story and mc (for now) is overriding something I really don’t like … Now that is a powerful story to do that.

I think it is also due to the fact that he is acting more like a father or brother figure and that may be what is working for me.

So these two harems broke my own standards and I’m really happy that they did. It is hard to put out a blanket statement saying that you don’t care for a genre. In the end though, life is too short to watch something you don’t like. But I guess you have to stay open to finding that next thing that will bring you joy.

Any anime that changed your mind about a genre?

Happy Watching!

 

 

 

Artwork Reveal

So this blog is still about anime… right? ha… ha… ha…

Okay I’m getting back into gear. But for now I’m excited to show you all the commissioned work I got done for my author page and blog page!

I had this wonderful work done by Tanya Hales

I wanted a plus size commission that had a bit of my sass… or sarcasm whatever you prefer. Also my bowl of kimchi is still in my photo which I was super excited about. She was great to work with and I’m excited to use this art for my author webpage and my blog!

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I’m getting things organized the best I can. I will probably make posts on my journey to indie publishing next year and still blog about my love of 2D boys since that is something that I will be infected (I mean affected?) with for the rest of my life.

In the mean time I’m still enjoying every ones posts and I hope that some of my creative brain will go back to blogging. Not that it going to my books is a bad thing, but I need more anime in my life!

Happy Watching!

My First

Hey I want to join in on the Valentines train and talk about the first time I fell in love with a 2D anime boy? man? I don’t know but it was a moment that I will remember. Then it became the end for me.

So what is the deal with falling in “love” with fictional characters. Honestly, it is the fantasy that is presented. We get to see something that is perfect to us and as humans we are probably never going to find a perfect person. That is all a part of wishing that character was real.

Then we all know if they did exist they would annoy the spit out of us.

I remember in high school the first 2D men that showed interest in were Captain Lee Shang, and Adam from Beauty and the Beast. Maybe this was only the start. Since I didn’t start watching anime until later these two men live fondly in my heart for my teenage years.

And what do you call those characters in books? 1D? So many characters that are easy to fangirl over. Char from Ella Enchanted won over my heart each time I reread that book. Then I was one of those who was team Edward, but in my adult mind I realize that Jacob would have been the healthier relationship. haha.

So anime entered my life and I watched a few but then I found this anime called Fairy Tail. This show gets a lot of flack because it is pretty repetitive and really no one can die (it seems at times). Then some characters seem super strong then are weak after they are defeated and join Fairy Tail… Yeah this anime has a lot of problems but it is something I still enjoy watching.

So in episode one I can blame this character for starting my love for 2D anime boys.

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Natsu Dragneel.

Seem odd? Maybe.

When he came in at the end of the first episode suddenly muscles appeared on his arms. Then fire. Yeah, fire makes everything hot. Literately and figuratively.

My eyes widened and I let out a small intake of air. It didn’t help that my husband noticed too. He did not let me live it down.

Since then I’ve had many love affairs but Natsu will always be my first.

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Hope you all have a moment to talk to someone you love today. I think I’ll go re watch episode one…

Happy Watching!

Something to think about

Thank you everyone for your comments and support as I pitched my latest story last week.

I’m excited to announce that I got a request for my ya fantasy!

Then I had some hard moments at the conference. The topic came up of authors who write in cultures that are not their own. My ya fantasy is based in historic Japanese and Korean culture. I took elements from both and then melded them into my novel. It is still very obviously Japanese based.

In living in Korea and learning about Japanese culture for the last six years my main goal was to share my love for both. I never expected that this would make my novel a harder sell since I was not born in either culture. This spoke to a bit to my own white privilege that I didn’t think it would be a problem.

It was a sobering thought. I wrote this novel, and I was not only excited to see my improvement as a writer, but to share this world with others.

I spent a good amount of time mad at myself and then feeling sick that I may hurt others with this novel. The characters are now alive in my mind and their story is not over. Thoughts of shelving it and then not writing books two and three seemed like the reasonable choice.

Then my novel that I was about to start was based in a Korean myth with all Korean characters. It was also going to weave in the story of  depression and suicide. Using elements of the myth and the character to speak to those who are suffering in silence. You are all familiar with “My Reasons Why” and how that is a theme that is extremely important to me. I knew this novel would be hard to write in the first place but I thought it was time. Then more thoughts of scrapping it came in my heart. Again, what right did I have to write about a Korean myth?

Throughout all of this a bit of my joy in writing seemed to leave my heart.

Then my writing friends, who knew my story, surrounded me. They encouraged me to continue to write these stories that were on my heart. To keep on going.

I am very blessed to have so many that believe in me. In writing these novels it was never my intention to take away someone else’s story. This was the story that came to my heart. Written in cultures that I love.

I know that in the future I will need to think on hiring sensitivity readers. Since in all my novels I want to be diverse in all aspects of culture, sexuality, body types, and many more. I also have a lot to learn.

This blog that I have ignored for a few months is also part of sharing what I love with others. It is the reason I started it! I wanted to share my love for anime, then I found so many wonderful anime lovers.

So I guess it is time to roll up my sleeves and then get cracking on the next project. This one lived on my heart for the last two years. It will be hard to tell. It will take me back to a time when I myself thought that suicide was the only answer, but it needs to be told.

 

Dream Chaser

When I started this blog I never knew that something would take me away from it for so long.

Gosh, I love anime. I think you all can relate. Also I love all of those people who love anime. Like I said before when someone says they like anime it really is like an instant connection.

One of my writing friends talked about recently how sometimes in life he tries to keep things balanced. When he pays more attention to one thing the others start to fall.

I never related to that so much. I’ve been writing a book… Some of you may remember. I hope I haven’t been completely forgotten!

I finished it and edited it and this Friday I’m going to pitch it to an agent (the first of many probably). This book really flowed. It had rough days but in the end I really dedicated my time to it… Thus the other writing in my life, this blog, fell to the side. I lost my balance.

In the next weeks I hope to regain some of that and also catch up to what you all have been doing! I’ve missed you so much, and I can wait to read and see what’s been going on…

Also, I’ve really needed some Promised Neverland discussion in my life. Oh my word I sit and wait for that anime to upload.

Keep me in your thoughts this week as I go out to a conference and try to pitch this new novel. It is the best things I’ve written so far and I’m excited to see how I keep improving!Sarah Scribbles

Dear Brother

This time of year I always feel a bit off and then I remember, it’s because you’re not here. It is strange how birthdays turn in to lonely memorials of those who leave us. Then fondness of the memories you have and regret at those you forgot.

You left me with something that I carry forever– The passion to write and tell these stories in my head. I can finally honestly say to you that– I’m doing it. I’m following my dream. You were at the start of it all, my dear brother. You will always be the first one on my journey to find the passion in my life. You never said it was a silly dream and you honestly gave the best advice– Write. Isn’t that funny what it comes down to? Just write. You don’t need to be an expert, you don’t need to know everything. Just write.

Pages are filled in my high school notebooks. Ones that will never see the light of day. Pages that helped me grow and learn. Thousands of words. It is pretty fun to go back and remember.

I remember fondly all the times you took me out for ice cream. The gifts you gave me as I grew up. The other day I looked through many pictures and I miss not getting to sit by you at Christmas dinner. I was a pretty clingy brat (My apologies to Holly). When I go your post cards and my fingers slowly trace your handwriting; it is almost like you aren’t gone when I have things around me that remind me of you. I even came across the Jasmine Barbie doll you gave me. My years of playing with dolls have passed but she remains a guardian of precious memories of my childhood.

The Belle figurine watches me in my writing room as I scrape together words. The picture of us looking forward on the ferry makes me think of my future. We both were looking forward that day and you honestly had so much more to give and do. It is hard to make wishes that won’t come true but I wish you were still here. I think I always will. We never got to write that book together but you are in every book I write.

Thank you for calling me and saying that you love me. Thank you for letting me hug you constantly. Thank you for coming to my birthdays. Thank you emailing me and letting me vent all my silly teenage drama (that alone should make you a saint). Thank you for sharing your love of fantasy and I wish I could be friends with you now. I have so much I want to share with you now that I’m older (I think you would have liked anime, maybe you did). Thank you for sharing your love of travel.

Thank you for being honest with me about your struggles. You were not perfect but you also showed me that a person can change and do better. I picked myself up these last few years, your honesty helped me see hope. I promise I won’t travel down that path of darkness again.

Thank you for being a listening ear, a pair of warm arms, and a truly kind soul. A brother taken too soon.

I miss you.

I love you.

See you.