Dear Brother

This time of year I always feel a bit off and then I remember, it’s because you’re not here. It is strange how birthdays turn in to lonely memorials of those who leave us. Then fondness of the memories you have and regret at those you forgot.

You left me with something that I carry forever– The passion to write and tell these stories in my head. I can finally honestly say to you that– I’m doing it. I’m following my dream. You were at the start of it all, my dear brother. You will always be the first one on my journey to find the passion in my life. You never said it was a silly dream and you honestly gave the best advice– Write. Isn’t that funny what it comes down to? Just write. You don’t need to be an expert, you don’t need to know everything. Just write.

Pages are filled in my high school notebooks. Ones that will never see the light of day. Pages that helped me grow and learn. Thousands of words. It is pretty fun to go back and remember.

I remember fondly all the times you took me out for ice cream. The gifts you gave me as I grew up. The other day I looked through many pictures and I miss not getting to sit by you at Christmas dinner. I was a pretty clingy brat (My apologies to Holly). When I go your post cards and my fingers slowly trace your handwriting; it is almost like you aren’t gone when I have things around me that remind me of you. I even came across the Jasmine Barbie doll you gave me. My years of playing with dolls have passed but she remains a guardian of precious memories of my childhood.

The Belle figurine watches me in my writing room as I scrape together words. The picture of us looking forward on the ferry makes me think of my future. We both were looking forward that day and you honestly had so much more to give and do. It is hard to make wishes that won’t come true but I wish you were still here. I think I always will. We never got to write that book together but you are in every book I write.

Thank you for calling me and saying that you love me. Thank you for letting me hug you constantly. Thank you for coming to my birthdays. Thank you emailing me and letting me vent all my silly teenage drama (that alone should make you a saint). Thank you for sharing your love of fantasy and I wish I could be friends with you now. I have so much I want to share with you now that I’m older (I think you would have liked anime, maybe you did). Thank you for sharing your love of travel.

Thank you for being honest with me about your struggles. You were not perfect but you also showed me that a person can change and do better. I picked myself up these last few years, your honesty helped me see hope. I promise I won’t travel down that path of darkness again.

Thank you for being a listening ear, a pair of warm arms, and a truly kind soul. A brother taken too soon.

I miss you.

I love you.

See you.

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Things that make me Happy!

I was nominated by Lilisblissfulpages to list 50 things that make me happy

Check out her blog for read book insights and also the Read-A-Thon (Did you just rename it?) 24 hours of straight reading! I have yet to make it that long haha!

This is really a good time of year to be thinking of these things in our lives. We just pasted Thanksgiving in the states and we are coming up on Christmas. These last few years it has been good to focus on non-material things since I haven’t had the money to buy my family any gifts. I always tell them to not get me anything either. It really is nice just to be with them. I have brothers that I rarely get to see and most of the time they don’t come to Christmas so it tends to just be me and my parents.

So lets see how far I get down this list of 50!

  1. Dogs- and honestly animal in general. I love my four rescues and they are really like my children.

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    So freaking cute! The white fluff is my first adopted one when I lived in Korea 😀
  2. Writing- It is always fun to put down writing as something that makes me happy. Because if you write (hey bloggers) you know how frustrating writing can be. How you find that you used the word slowly 175 times in your manuscript. When you just can’t seem to put a comma in the write place. Also when you stare at a blank screen and those damn words just don’t seem to cooperate. Then in the end you struggled through those 500 words and you find that really fun moment where you realize you are doing something you love. Yes, happiness is a funny word to describe writing but in the end things in our life that make us happy are things we work for.
  3. My room- I get my own writing room. It really is nice to close the door and be able to have some focus
  4. Theatre- I used to act and I loved it. I still find so much magic in going to live theatre.
  5. Slow snow- Nothing is more peaceful than slow falling snow. It just kind of sparkles.
  6. Anime- Yeah this will always pop up. The stories, the characters, the abs… There really is something for everyone. I just wrote a post on why I love anime. I’m just always happy that I found it.
  7. Urban Fantasy- Gosh I love this genre. The sarcasm really is right up my alley. The action the bit of darkness. The struggle of the characters. It is something I will always enjoy reading.
  8. YA Fantasy- This is a genre that has grown so much and I wish I had this many amazing and diverse books to read when I was a teen. I love the fact that it is something that can be enjoyed for any age and there is something for everyone.
  9. The manga Mars- This was a manga that put me in a reading slump for over a month. The longest ever. Nothing I read could compare to it. I loved the tragic characters. The story. The relationship. It really hit me in a hard way and I want to reread it but I also don’t want to…
  10. Ella Enchanted- This is a ya book that I read every year. I love fractured fairy tales and I love Cinderella stories. Something about an underdog you know? This was one of the first books I read as a young girl that had this spunky female lead. I think before I was used to reading about “nice girls” I loved the character. I think it is safe to say that you will see a bit of Ella in a lot of my female characters. But with more swearing…
  11. Chocolate – This makes me a bit too happy and I think I enjoy it too much.
  12. Hak- Also I have a full post about my husbando.
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    But in case you forgot… ha

    13. Christmas trees- I don’t have one up in my house but honestly I can stare at a Christmas tree for hours. I don’t know what it is about the lights or the tree or the memories in the ornaments. It just makes me feel so happy!

14. The aniblogger community- It makes me so happy to take about anime on here. I don’t get to talk about it much in my life. I’m just so happy I have a safe place to write about anime and talk about it with others.

15. Is this the place where I have to list individual anime? hahaha Honestly 50 things isn’t much but it is a lot to write.

16. Warm socks – My feet are usually really hot but dang in the winter cozy socks are amazing!

17. Writing Conferences- I’m so lucky to go to places that really recharge me as a writer. A place where I met other writers and we check in with each other. I hope you have found a small group of other people that encourage you with what you love to do. If you don’t you can always send me a message and we can talk! I’m awkward but I love to hear about what you love!

18. The fact that I can’t make it to 50 since I rambled on too much but I know you all won’t judge me. Right?

Thank you you again to Lili for the nomination and I’m sorry it took me so long to get to doing this post.

So take some time in this holiday season to think about the things that make you happy!

Happy Watching!

A bit of romantic fun

So for better or worse I have started to watch kdramas. I am finding them about as addicting as webtoons so this can be considered a warning of sorts.

However, you would be doing yourself a great disservice if you never watch the kdrama “Oh My Ghost”. It is really delightful, funny, and a pretty sweet romance.

It looks like this story had been remade a few times. I found a Thai version that is also on Netflix but honestly I can’t say if it is better or worse than the Korean version. I did find the acting superb in the Korean version. In other kdramas sometimes the acting is a bit overdone, but honestly that is part of the genre. I didn’t find really any of that in this series and if there was it came from the side characters and it really made sense with their character.

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These guys were the true stars

So in this story a ghost named Soon-ae is a virgin and is holding a grudge. She has to stay on earth until it is resolved. The answer to her grudge? Well, she has to have sex. The problem? Men can’t handle her negative energy so when she possess a girl to have sex with a guy the guy ends up passing out.

Then she finds Chef… A man loaded with positive energy… (mhmm energy).

She possess Bong-sun a woman who can see ghosts but then she gets stuck in the body sense their energies are to similar. I did find this part of the plot a bit silly since later on it seems likes she could leave whenever she wanted.

So Soon-ae in Bong-sun’s body tries her hardest to seduce the chef. Kind of scaring the guy in the process.

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Everyone around her thinks that she is going crazy from going from the shy quiet Bong-sun to the loud and brash Soon-ae. The guys in the restaurant are pretty funny and adorable in their reactions to her. They didn’t treat her very well at the start but it is funny to see how they act when she starts talking back.

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Soon-ae is now building a relationship with Chef and it is adorable. I just love the Chef’s characters. He is such an awkward sweet character. I really think the actor did a fantastic job of portraying him. I think with this type of guy it could have come off as him being a stuck up jerk. The way that he would deliver the lines “Of course I am. Or I am handsome” came off really well since you could see the insecurities behind the characters. Really such a great acting job.

And there is a bit of eye candy too 😉

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Chef is taken? How about this sweetheart?

I don’t really want to give away anything in the show since there are quiet a few plot twists. I did find parts of it truly tragic and it is a sign of a good show that can make you laugh, cry, and go awww.

Another great thing is that is is all wrapped up. No waiting for season two! Another great thing about kdramas!

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This moment was my favorite. I about died laughing.

Take some time to watch this little gem. You won’t regret it.

Happy watching!

 

When you are no longer the best

In episode six of Run with the Wind I really am enjoying the inner conflict with Kakeru. He and Haiji are the only two serious/previous runners from before this team was formed.

In an earlier episode it seemed that Kakeru was starting to accept his rag tag teammates but this episode shows their first actual track meet.

Kakeru mostly has a stoic face and you could see is frustartion at the start of the meet when his teammate were taking photos and Prince was reading a manga.

In the past episode he stood up for his team but now in front of other and more professional teams he seemed a bit embarrassed.

Snort… I’m two okay…

Kakeru is used to being on his own. He laps and outranked his past teammates from high school. I liked the moment when he realized that he himself still has a lot to overcome and he is no longer the fastest runner.

He loses to two of the more famous runners and they outstripped him by quite a bit. At this point he starts to take his frustrations out on his team. For the first time he isn’t a winner and it really affects him.

In the end the leader of the other track team tells Kakeru to help Haiji lead the team. To work with him and help the others. For Kakeru who runs alone this is something that builds up conflict inside of him. He did stand up for his teammates in the past but I don’t think he respects them.

He needs to be able to work with others and start to recognize that his teammates are trying the best they can.

Even if the mountain may be out of reach there is no shame in reaching for it.

This was a great episode and this show continues to impress me.

Now your weekly moments with Prince…

We are proud of you Prince! Even though they told him to drop out he still kept running!

Happy Watching!

The book world is a happy place to be

When you need something more

My weekly insight on Run With the Wind is late this week. I’m sorry about that but honestly it gave me a bit of time to think about what I wanted to say.

This episode six focused on King and I think this episode really could speak to a lot of those who are in their college or after college life.

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We are often told that we can do or be whatever we want. Honestly I fall a bit into the dreamer side of the world. I also have a mean realistic streak. King is trying is hardest to interview and find a job after his time in the university. He wants to make money and he doesn’t seem to care what job he gets as long as he gets one.

This is honestly a fact of life. We want to have that security of a job.

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I have pushed aside my dreams for most of my life. Make money writing and selling books? Nah. I needed to find a job to support my “hobby” and that led to me not writing. I like to do things always on the extreme side. All or nothing baby!

Now that I’m at the point where I can find a happy medium between writing and teaching. I’ve noticed that my depression has faded. There are some days where writing still gets cut out but I’m working to make it a priority. Writing isn’t easy and it is funny that I can find happiness in something that can be so frustrating.

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Because seeing the reason that King decided to run really ran a bit true. He needed something else in his life. Running will help him handle the stress of the job and the job hunt. It is something to do that brings joy and a release of stress.

Now, I can argue the fact that running wasn’t really his own choice. However, it is a nice statement that we really need to have something in our lives that gives us happiness.

We can get wrapped up in our jobs and day to day stresses. Those thing never really go away. If you are in a job that is your dream hold onto that sucker until the day you die. I can hope that one day my my books will support me enough but until then I can enjoy the moments where I can set aside time to write. It is a frustrating wonderful thing, writing, but it really is fulfilling.

Now for your weekly prince update….

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Hang in there Prince!

Happy Watching!

Running Together

We are back again to see the weekly tribulations of Prince.

At least he had a cute dog as a running partner now. He still runs like I would run, but as of last week he can now pass a butterfly. Progress.

To be fair dogs really are understanding.

Most of the forced teammates are now on board. The lawyer is still holding out and mostly just complaining but he is still running. King is the one who we got to see a bit more development from this week. I can understand the pressure he is under in trying to find a job after the university.

We can see the tension from him as it looks like he is going to job fairs and getting rejections from jobs. I have a idea that the next episode will focus on his explosion that happened towards the end of the episode.

After all he is right. He can’t just shift everything around for running. King has his own future goals for a career and I don’t think he should have to give that up to run.

So I’m happy to see that we are getting to know more about the other characters and it is done in really small moments that can connect well to an audience. All the while they are trying to get better at running.

Good Luck Prince!

Happy Watching!

A year with a bowl of Kimchi

This is a strange date for me since Kimchisama wasn’t my first wordpress account. In wordpress years I’m a bit older but in Kimchi years I just turned one.

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So welcome to a year in a life of me!

Blog

It is interesting to look back on my year. When I first started this blog I did it for my creative writing II students. I had them make a blog and I made one along with them. Mostly to help them with any pitfalls along the way. Then I found amazing people and you all got stuck with me…

Anime Review

My first post haha and good old Future Diary became the very first anime I talked about. Wow have things changed and got a lot more random…

I noticed I started to focus my blog posts more on character. This is something that I’ve cared about with writing and since I don’t think I’m great with reviews I’ve enjoyed pointing out certain strengths and weaknesses in character development.

A Father’s LoveA Father’s Love

Obsession

Do Sunglasses Count?

A Debt Paid

These were a bit about character but my favorites will always be the ones where I mentioned each Yona of the Dawn characters. I had such a fun time writing about them and all their unique personalities!

Growing up – Fighting Back- A Badass Woman

The warmth in silence

Responsibility – Duty – Honor

I will take my freedom

“What a pain!”

I removed my heart.

Son Hak

Man that was fun and I almost want to do it with another anime. Hmmm.

So this blog journey has been great. I’ve gotten to interact with so many different people online and found a truly supportive group of people. Part of me wishes that I was better at making connections through messenger but also I’m a bit of a weirdo…

My blog post that had the most views was

Thank You Followers/My Reasons Why Award

This really warms my heart and I find myself going though some of your posts and holding tightly to your reasons. Your reasons for living helped me in more ways that you will ever know. The honestly and rawness would always bring tears to my eyes and sometimes I didn’t even know what to say but thank you in my comments.

I still thank you. I’m thankful for you. Even though I am not the best updater or writer or commenter your warmth reaches me on a daily bases.

Thank you.

So my blog has taken me on quite a journey. I’m hoping to be a bit better about posting an maybe posting things that are more meaningful but you know we need to see abs every once in a while… right :D.

Personal goals

In the year where I almost took my life I finally started to reach out towards something I almost gave up on. My writing.

It has been a journey.

Sarah Scribbles

This comic from Sarah Scribbles really sums up my life with reaching my goal to be published.

In the year 2017 it was a fight to sit down and write word after word that I thought sucked. I had to force my butt into the chair and some days getting 100 words was an act of God.

I wanted to give up. I wanted to just sit and watch TV again. I wanted to drown myself in junk food and depression.

But I had small beams of light around me support from other writers, friends, family and online. In December 2016 I finished my first book.

There was no feeling like it in the world. “The writer who didn’t write.” That is what I called myself for the last 10 years and here I was looking at something I finished. Was it pretty… eh? Do I need to hire a good editor? YES. haha but it was done.

Now that I knew I could write a book in a year nothing was stopping me. I knew I could finish. So I wrote book two! I finished it in less than six months. I couldn’t believe it. I now had two urban fantasy books done.

For these first two books I hand wrote them both. Now that may seem a bit insane, but it helped me focus on getting the ugly words out without trying to stop and make everything perfect. So I wrote, scribbled but didn’t back down. Then when I typed them all out I would edit and revise.

Now for book three I thought I could get a lot more done if I didn’t hand write it. So I started this new YA fantasy (inspired by Japanese and Korean culture) and I typed it. I started it in September and even though I had two- three weeks of not writing I’m going to hit my midpoint at the end of this month.

I’m planning to finish the first draft by the end of November. Three months.

First book: one year

Second book: six month

Third book: 3-4 months

I included editing time but not beta read time.

I’m still querying and pitching my books to agents, but I’m also saving up money to self publish. If it all goes well be on the look out for three urban fantasy in 2020!!

Now it feels weird to look back on my journey of personal goals and dreams. Writing is now a part of my life. Something I always wanted but never achieved until now. It is just always there every night when I sit down to write 2,000 words.

It is something that is there, even though things in my life aren’t going great but having a goal… Life changing.

This really comes back to My Reasons Why. To your reasons why. When you have those goals those things that keep you going they make all the difference.

I hope you take the challenge to make them a part of your life. Never feel guilty for doing something you love and than brings you joy. This is how we take care of ourselves.

I hope I get to grow in the next year with you all. Thank you for putting up with my rambles and pictures of abs.

Thank you for being you and I believe in you. Always.

Happy Watching :).