Cause it’s cute?

I’ll be the first to admit I like sparkly and cute things, yeah I know… My bag has mermaid sequins and I’m in love. However, I don’t really watch anime “because it’s cute” I tend to like some sort of story line and a bit of a deeper thrill or a sweet romance.

“How to Keep a Mummy” is only 2 episodes in and much to my chagrin I’m enjoying it. Gosh it is just… so… dang… cute.

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The main character Sora gets sent a mummy from his father. Apparently his father sends horrible gifts that try to kill him. So Sora opens the gift with a lot of trepidation. Out pops this little miniature mummy that he really doesn’t know what to do with or how to take care of.

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I mean you aren’t going to get any major plot points. The episodes will probably each have a small crisis. It is only two episodes in and I don’t see this going any deeper than that, and it isn’t supposed to. It is just going to be a cute anime that makes your heart all warm inside.

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Take a break from the winter chill and let your insides melt for a bit. Give your brain a break and bask in the cuteness of a little pudgy mummy. I think I will enjoy these episodes. Happy Watching!

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Looking back

This is a post that was meant to happen the first week of January. My real world kind of exploded and I haven’t had the time to sit down and write for a couple weeks. Now that things have settled down to be more normal, I’m hoping to get back to my schedule. Also I want to thank everyone for the award nominations. I tried to keep track… but I think I will end up missing a few. I’m so thankful for the nominations and thankful that you all follow my blog.

I’m going to look back to when I got an Amazon Strike subscription for one week to watch what I consider to be the best anime of 2017. Now that Amazon Strike is no more hopefully more will be able to watch “Made in the Abyss” and enjoy the story as much as I did.

At first glance when I saw the picture as I was scrolling through it looked a bit childish and I was unsure if I wanted to watch it. I pick anime based on my mood:  Do I want action? Romance? Adventure? Thriller? I was in a weird mood that day and I couldn’t find anything that I wanted to start. So I just dived in and started my free subscription and “Made in the Abyss” took me on a journey that I will never forget.

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The world building in this anime is fantastic. I tend to enjoy a world that has set rules and then stick to those rules. With this world there is a giant abyss (didn’t see that one coming huh? haha) and the people go down into the abyss to find relics of another era or time. That is a mystery that is still ongoing about what/who exactly left these relics (I have a few theories on that but I’ll let you find your own 😉 ). There are levels to the abyss and starting Cave Raiders are red whistles. They can only go to the first level without suffering too much from the “curse of the abyss”. The curse is ill effects that happen to your mind and body as you ascend from the abyss. The lower you go the worse the effects are. And when you go upwards even a few feet the effects start happening.

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The main character Riko finds a robot on one of her raids. He looks human but he can’t remember anything. He is then called Reg and the children decide to hide him since they believe that if they turned him in he would get taken apart to be researched. In this world all these children belong to a home and they have to give the head of the house everything they find at the end of the day. Right away you will realize that this isn’t an anime for children. The children are abused Riko is strapped up naked for keeping a relic from the abyss. There is a continuing theme of these forgotten children who no longer have parents or who have parents that are gone. It comes to head at the end of season one.

This anime does a great job of developing the world but not taking a long time to get the story started. Riko’s journey begins when a letter arrived from her mother, Lyza, telling her to meet her at the bottom of the abyss.

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Riko’s mother is what they call a “white whistle” they are the only ones who made it to the bottom of the abyss and survived the effects of the curse. Her mother has been missing presumed dead for some time. This letter leads Riko to believe that her mother is alive.

There is a great mystery surrounding this world. As you watch you get the feeling that something ominous is just around the corner that has been kept hidden. Secrets. That is in part of what makes this anime so good. You can’t just figure it out but you know it is there. There is a lie going around about this world and as you watch you have a desire to be let in on the secret. The white whistles have to be a part of that mystery. There is only a handful of them and we only meet one with Riko, Ozen, the one who trained Lyza. The others we see flashes of in another story. It leads you to believe that maybe these white whistles aren’t such great people and there is an agenda that we don’t know about.

Riko learns about her birth from Ozen. Ozen can be one of those characters that you want to hate but you don’t understand fully. I’m still not sure if I would ever trust her or not and I’ve seen the end result. Each character has their own motivation and again that is part of what makes this a great anime to watch. They all have their own goals and desires.

I think that goes with the world. It is easy to believe that people who want to be the first at something or the first to make a discover. We see these things even in Indiana Jones. The world of finding relics may be more cutthroat than we see.

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Seeing this journey through children’s eyes can be somewhat disconcerting. The story does a great job in setting up Riko’s character to make her believable and self sufficient. You kind of need to be in this world. Also I love that Reg’s powers have rules. There is no unlimited use. This anime doesn’t make things easy and that is also what makes it so great.

The creatures they meet along the way. Whew… They are just as amazing and unique as the characters themselves. Again they have rules and can be very horrifying and nightmarish. So not only do they have to worry about the curse of the abyss but with each level it brings in creatures that basically want to kill and eat them.

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There are a couple episodes at the end that open up about the darker side of this world. The characters and the backstory are truly heartbreaking and I had tears pouring down my face. It sets the conflict up well for season two and we know things are not going to get any easier for our characters.

If anything the art is visually fantastic. I also enjoyed the credits.

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I love little things like this… When you see the end credits you get to see where Reg and Riko are on their journey in the abyss. It add a nice touch and it gives your mind a map to follow along.

Each level in the abyss has its own world and story. Again give this anime a try. This is my top choice for 2017 over all the seasons. It is unique and I have no complaints about the plot. Every so often we get a truly amazing anime that leaves you sitting still in the moments after you finish knowing that you were just a part of something amazing. Happy Watching!

 

Devilman Crybaby

I haven’t had a chance to watch a lot of “Netflix Original” anime. Which I find is a weird title to put on an anime that has other studios working on it, but I’m not sure how that works… I did see in the credits that MADHOUSE was involved so I was pretty interested to see what this was about. I’m going to try and not be too spoiler-y since the twists are what makes the ending so good.

First things first the title isn’t great. When I read it I thought that this would be more of a gag anime than the darker journey that this anime took me on. So be prepared for a very graphic anime with both sex and violence. I wish they would have named it “Devilman Cries” or something else… It just seems cheesy.

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So in this world humans can get taken over by demons. Then they start eating humans. However, the main character Akira dubs himself as a “devilman” since he still has his human heart and I think he can sense the human inside the demons crying so that makes him cry thus the name “Crybaby”. His friend Ryo helps him fight demons not really telling Akira what the end goal is for his plans.

From the first episode I was on board. It had a nice set up an the OP theme is still stuck in my head (man man man man human it gets ya). Like I said earlier this anime is very graphic and in episode one you start out with a huge sex/death orgy so yeah…

I think in this anime only having 10 episode hurt the flow of the beginning set up. There is a loss of the grove in episodes 2-4 I think they could have used another episode before the one with Akira’s mom to have more of a set up with what their relationship was or wasn’t.

The plot feels rushed and scattered and I was tempted to call it quits. I didn’t feel like watching a bunch of people die that I didn’t care about (I already watched King’s Game for that). Then this anime really hits its grove in the last episodes and things start to make sense and the relationships and the tragedy is real and heartbreaking.

The message that humans are the real monsters hit home. I’ve been watching a lot of “Black Mirror” as well and to see the mob mentality is something that is real. People killing people. This anime takes you to the darkest depths that humans can reach when we lose our humanity.

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The fact of this anime is you don’t know who to trust. You see people make choices and those choices are “right” to them. Friends are divided without warning and do things in the end that make your stomach turn. A sweet moment can be wrecked in flash. We have the power of choice and that is what this anime shows.

This anime won’t give you a lot of faith in humans but there are always a few bright moments. (Spoiler) I really enjoyed the scene where Akira is protecting the humans. Then the children put down their rocks and hug him. Children leading the adults and who aren’t born to hate. That was nice message that sometimes a child can see more truth and wisdom than adults can when we are riled.

The final turning point was tragic the last two episode are the best in the whole series in my opinion. It shows the good and the bad and the full impact of the relationships between Akira and those who he loves and what keeps him human.

My favorite moment is after the credits start rolling.  I think it is episode 9 there is a scene between Akira and Miki that is beautiful.Devilman-Crybaby-Season-1-Episode-9-Go-To-Hell-You-Mortals-Akira-and-Miki

The music and the peace of her riding behind him on his motorcycle is a nice moment after all the tragedy that happens. It is a dream and a hope another world that they can live in together without the death that surrounds them. This is the only time, I believe, that there is something after the credits so make sure you watch them and don’t skip ahead.

The art in this anime is unique and the music is perfect. I really enjoyed the rapping also. It was more “Old School” when rap tells a story and doesn’t just repeat the same sexual innuendo over and over. It really gave an interesting break and vibe to the story telling. I honestly didn’t like it at first but then it grew on me after a sweet moment between two side characters.

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The way he couldn’t speak to her but then he could express himself through rap was very cute.

In the end this isn’t an easy anime to watch. The first episodes are weaker than the final, but once it gets in the grove it really takes off. The battle scene at the end is probably one of the best that I have seen in a long time.

Hope you give this anime a chance it was a good watch. Happy watching!

“I am a Devilman!”

How plot organization ruined Juni Taisen

This post is one big spoiler…

This fall I was the most excited to watch the anime Juni Taisen. It is from the same creator as Future Diary which I also really enjoyed and is one of my favorite anime. The things I enjoyed about Future Diary were not in this anime which became very predictable. However, I did enjoy the backstory of each character, but the fact of how it was organized ruined the surprise of who would die next. Yes, I guess we never knew how they would die but by then it was usually a let down.

First off I want to say that after the first episode I was so excited. It was extremely good and the shock of Boar getting the huge set up only to die right away was just awesome. When I watched I was like, “Yes, this is the ride I want full of surprises” then came episode two…

We got Dog’s backstory and right away I knew he would die. Did the brilliance that led the first episode to being awesome ruin it for the following episode? In a way yes, from then on we could predict who would die next based on whose backstory we heard. This was a major failure with the organization since the backstory wouldn’t let us get attached to any character.

Don’t get me wrong each backstory was actually amazing but if fell flat with the viewer already being in the mindset that that character was going to die. It is unfortunate to have so many awesome unique characters and we couldn’t appreciate the sadness of their deaths or even cheer for our own zodiac because by then it didn’t take long to figure out another failure with the organization of the anime… The closing theme.

After about 2-3 episodes a viewer could see that the order of the zodiac in the closing theme matched the order of the deaths (except for snake) that was the truly disappointing thing about this anime. From the beginning you already knew that Rat would win. I don’t know why they did that, that seems like a stupid way to give away everything and it made me sad since I’m year of the Ox and I wanted him to win haha.

I was truly proud of my zodiac character and honestly he was pretty badass. His and tiger’s backstory was so sweet also and still the thought that I knew he was going to die wrecked the feelings I was supposed to have at the death of tiger and ox.

With their backstory they had more interaction with each other and I would have like to see more of that in the other characters. They knew OF each other but ox and tiger where the only two who had a movement before the Juni Taisen where he rescued her and she had a goal to one day fight him.

I think it would have been interesting to see the conflict of more characters facing people who they actually knew before they had the Juni Taisen. That would have even given more depth to their backstories.

The explanation of why rat won and his struggle for the wish was actually pretty nice. However, his power was a bit OP for this and seemed like a cop out for why someone who slept though everything would win. I think it would have been better if the others knew his power so they could try and find its blind spots (like they did in Future Diary) then it would have made it more interesting. Everyone was more concerned with rabbit than to notice the rat. Rabbit was enjoyable to watch even for just his awesome outfit ha.

When the main threat of rabbit died it was a bit disappointing but then the necromancy let it to drag out a bit and had a few surprises there, but again we all knew by then that rat was going to be the winner.

All in all I like the backstories and the way they had to introduce themselves before every battle.

However, it is too predictable so it lost those heart wrenching moments that we want from an anime like this. Also I would have like to see some fallout for the people who were betting on the battle. What was their deal? The warriors just let this keep going? I feel like if ox won he would have killed them :D.

Hope you all are enjoying the new year (year of the dog) and Happy watching!

A Father’s Love

The holiday’s are approaching and a sentimental feeling starts to come into my heart. These last few years have been hard and this year I have finally found a bit of sun. I want to take a moment to write about a short video that has given me inspiration.

I’m sure that you have heard of the music video “Shelter” if not please click the link and watch it. It came out a bit over a year ago and even now has over 26 million views on youtube and who knows how many on crunchyroll.

“Shelter tells the story of Rin, a 17-year-old girl who lives her life inside of a futuristic simulation completely by herself in infinite, beautiful loneliness. Each day, Rin awakens in virtual reality and uses a tablet which controls the simulation to create a new, different, beautiful world for herself. Until one day, everything changes, and Rin comes to learn the true origins behind her life inside a simulation. Original Story by: Porter Robinson Music: Porter Robinson and Madeon”

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I could rave all day about the art and the music. Without such expertise the video wouldn’t be what it is to millions of viewers. I want to talk about the story. The powerful story that was created in less than six minutes.

The focus for me was the building of the relationship between the Father and the Daughter. The protection and love that a parent has for their children. I can’t speak to a parent’s love as a parent but I can as a child.

Over the years I’ve seen all that my parents have done for me. They give up so much so that my struggle will lesson. We were by no means rich, but they always made sure that my siblings and I were provided for and that we had what we needed.ImpressionableCheerfulAzurewingedmagpie-small

The story shows the ultimate sacrifice of a Father’s love. We don’t see a mother in the picture and we can only assume what happens. I think having the single parent adds a lot to this story. His daughter is his world. It’s parents unspoken promise that they will protect their children no matter what. So he provides her shelter, the only thing he can give her at this point.

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When the earth is about to be destroyed he only saves her, not himself. He is asking this small child to trust in the promise he made as a father to her.

“And it’s a long way forward, so trust in me
I’ll give them shelter, like you’ve done for me
And I know, I’m not alone, you’ll be watching over us
Until you’re gone”

The visuals are all amazing but the most powerful moment is when the father stands alone after sending off his daughter. The look on his face. He can rest easy, he saved her and she will survive.

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There is no fear in his face. Only the love that a father has for his daughter.

I’m thankful for this story. It is a gift. Every time I feel like I don’t have what it takes to tell a story I take a moment and watch this powerful moment unfold.

There are many stories that I want to tell and when it comes to characters and their relationships I want to make them as powerful as this, A Father’s Love for their child.

I hope you all have a happy holiday and are able to hold someone close in your arms or heart.

Until next time Happy Watching 🙂

Servamp

There are not a lot of vampire anime out there that I like (I really enjoyed Shiki be warned it is very graphic) and Servamp looked like a new twist on vampires that l thought would be interesting.

There are seven servamps and they all relate to one of the seven deadly sins. That is a popular theme in anime I’ve come to notice. They become a servant of a human if they are named and given a gift. The human is then known as their eve and they go off and fight merry battles together. Not really… I think I missed the whole point of them needing an eve and I wish that was delved into a bit more. Maybe I just missed it.

I’m not sure how to put this… It was a nice distraction to watch, but the plot left so many questions which kind of ruined it for me. This whole post is one big spoiler so if you plan to watch it you might not want to read ahead.

What I liked…

I liked the character Sleepy Ashef40173b77a60c1bad5c9f19ba6cb0915d9d1bae_hq

He is like my spirit animal. Sleepy Ash loves to sleep and eat. He turns into a cat if there is too much sunlight and he can’t be bothered to do anything. Love him haha.

The main character Mahiru apparently likes simple things (I don’t know what the point of that character trait was) and then decides to pick up a cat and name it. Thus becoming Sloths eve. The final contract is sealed when Sleepy Ash drinks Mahiru’s blood. As you can imagine it is very shocking when Mahiru finds out his sweet little kitty is a servamp.

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He gets thrown into a world where the eighth servamp is trying to kill his older brothers and sisters. We don’t really know why…. So the anime is a muddled plot of them trying to get the servamps to work together to fight the eighth servamp Tsubaki, finding out why Sleepy Ash is conflicted, what happened to their creator, and Mahiru’s friendship with a subclass vamp. All of which kind of gets sidetracked with various battles and meetings of servamps and eves.

I’m sorry if my review is a bit chaotic, this anime was kind of a mess…

Okay so Tsubaki wants to kill his brothers and sisters. There.

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He doesn’t understand his place in their world since their “creator” was killed by Sleepy Ash. So he decides his purpose is to kill the servamps since his powers are made to do just that. Then we find out he is looking for a key… Okay then…

My problem with this is that there is no really clear motivation for this character and at the end of the anime they finally give it and it just seems like “eh okay then.” It just seems so thrown together. I would have understood a more revenge driven plot that he loved his creator and was mad that he was killed by Sleepy Ash, it heads a bit in that direction but it doesn’t really fully come together. The whole “I don’t understand my purpose” motivation wasn’t working for me.

Then we get to a whole episode about the servamp called lawless. He apparently likes to kill his eves after his first one was lost in a tragic way.

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When I saw this I was thinking “Do we really have time for an episode just about backstory?” We got only a small intro for each servamp and eves and most of the characters have little to no introduction… Which makes is super confusing. Then we get a whole episode about Lawless’s first eve. I’m a sucker for good character development so I got into his backstory and I was like “heck yeah I get it he loved her” I was watching to see how he turned into a crazy servamp and losing his love was a great motivation for me to believe… Then… it happened… Dumbest plot point of this whole show…

His lady love Ophelia agreed to marry a prince from the neighboring country to bring peace. Okay that makes sense. Then oh no the peace was broken and they blamed the princess and decided to kill her. If she dies then that brings peace. What? If she dies then that brings peace. Whaaaaaat?

Okay so my knowledge of politics is a bit rusty. So if the country kills your princess that you sent over to marry their prince you want to be at peace with them? Did I miss something? I don’t understand why her death brought peace. I really don’t. That just destroyed Lawless’s backstory for me.

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Sorry this just made me mad but not in a good way.

We then learn a bit about Lawless’s new eve who is a self declared angel. They have a touching moment where they are nearly killed and they bond. For some reason his eve can create things like boots and a piano but we don’t know why. Just go with it at this point. I guess he knows how to use his powers of an eve. It was never really delved into that much.

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So in this anime we have background on Sleepy Ash and Lawless and his eve and at the end a bit about the villien Tsubaki. I don’t know if I even want to get into all the Subclass vamp nonsense…

So let’s just skip to the end where Sleepy Ash and Tsubaki fight. They fight. The end haha. Okay well then Mahiru goes up to help Sleepy Ash who now can turn into a huge lion (Whoa can all servamps turn into a huge beast? Who knows there are only a few episodes left at this point no time to explain that ****). For some reason Mahiru stops Sleepy Ash from killing the nut job Tsubaki… Yeah I don’t know why. Then his weapon that was a broom now a spear turns into a key… Whoa… (sorry if you can’t tell I’m being a bit sarcastic). That key goes into Tsubaki’s chest and unlocks his backstory.

Then Mahiru sees Tsubaki’s past and defeats him with a hug. Tsubaki goes away severing all ties with his subclass vampires and that is the end of the story. Seriously.

So in the end. This anime had a some plot holes and honestly if there were more than 12 episodes it would have been and interesting story and world to delve into. I did really like some bits of it. I loved the character Sleepy Ash and he was the only character that the viewer would get a chance to bond with. I liked the concept but it was explained poorly. I liked the art and how the characters looked and I also liked the voice acting. For all that is holy don’t watch the dub version. That was a snore fest. Subs all the way.

Did you enjoy it more than I did? Did I just miss some explanation somewhere along the line?

Happy watching!

 

Ohhh Lovely!

I’ve only been blogging a short time and these awards are something new to me! I’m so thankful for all my followers and for all these nominations! Thank you so much and I hope you all keep blogging and keep being awesome!

So many thanks to Ospreyshire for this nomination. If you haven’t checked out his blog with some spoken word poetry do it! Also there are some great reviews on his other site Iridium Eye Reviews of  some indie movies and anime movies that you may not have heard of yet.

 

Here’s how the award works:

1) Thank the person who nominated you and link their blog
2) Add the One Lovely Blog Award to your post
3) Share 7 things about yourself
4) Pass this on to as many people as you like (max 15)
5) Include this set of rules
6) Inform your nominees

So here are 7 things you may not know about me haha I guess besides that fact that I’m an anime nerd…

  1. I have mentioned that I am a teacher….

However, I taught in South Korea right after I graduated from college and lived there for three years. That is part of what inspired my name Kimchisama a mixture of some Korean and Japanese I guess. In Korea they have Kimchi for every meal and it isn’t bad. There are apparently over 100 types of it. While I was there I heard of a Kimchi museum but I never got the chance to go… Wow that was a tangent. Kimchi (This is the video my friend sent be before I went and he said this is all I needed to know about Korea… haha)

Annnny way I taught ESL over there and now I’m back in the states and I teach Debate, Creative Writing, English, and Acting.

2. I rescue dogs…

I am a strong believer in dog adoption and right now I have 4 rescues. 17917145_10100278720081045_4042463307483811412_o

(Don’t mind the trash haha just look at the cute dogs)

The fluffy white one is Casanova and he is my first rescue. I adopted him while I lived in Korea. He came back with me on a long plane ride and he still knows a bit of Korean (even though I forgot most of what I learned).

The little turd is Fabio and he was a rescue right when I got back to the US and he is very grumpy and only likes me. I never wanted to adopt a little dog, but he won over my heart and is the sweetest little jerk in the world.

My two newest are the weinheimer/ terrier mix (who most would call a pit bull) is named Pixel (He came out before the phone I swear). He is nothing but cuddles and love. If I cry he sits on my lap until I’m better. He is the gentlest soul.

The Heeler mix is Yona (named after Yona in Yona of the Dawn I finally got my anime nerd out). She is a ball of fire and needs constant runs, walks, and trick toys. She is too smart for me and does more tricks that her 3 brothers combined. I was going to take her to agility training last summer but the trainer broker her foot so maybe this next summer we can give it a go.

Well there are my babies. I hope to keep rescuing/fostering dogs in my future. It is a lot of work but their love is more than I deserve.

There you have it – I’m a crazy dog lady.

(I could talk about them all day :P)

3. I used to act….

Back in the day… I wanted to be an actress. I was in a lot of plays in high school and college. I really loved it. The theatre was my second home and right now I help a bit with theatre but I think that was one of the best times in my life when I was on stage with my friends. I don’t really want to act now, but I still enjoy going to shows. The theatre is magic and if you’ve never been, give it a shot.

4. I went on a choir tour…

In all honesty I wasn’t the best singer, but in a choir I could blend in my voice with others. We did a tour in Europe and it was a blast.

5. I love to travel…

I used to travel more and now I’m at the point where I want to save more so I can travel again. I miss it and I have a goal to get to at least all 7 continents then I can start working on every country haha! I still need to visit Africa, Australia, and Antarctica. I saw some pictures people took on a trip to Antarctica and now I’ve been dying to go. Mind you I don’t want to cross the continent I just want to see it with my own eyes. The icebergs looked so blue in the picture and I want to see it for myself and penguins… Come on they are adorable. emperor_chicks

5. My favorite author is Brandon Sanderson….

And I stalk him… JK, but one time I went to every panel he was on and at the end of one I was right behind him and he asked me, “Did you want a picture with me?” I about died and took a million pictures… JK just one, but it was awesome. He is great to his fans and an amazing writer. Excuse my fan-girl moment…

6. I enjoy YA books…

On the wonderful world of facebook I used to see articles on why adults shouldn’t read YA books. Yeah, never believe that **** Read what you want, watch what you want. If you enjoy it and you aren’t breaking any laws… Watch it, read it. Don’t let anyone tell you what you can and can’t like. This is a rant of mine so I’ll stop.

7. I hope to publish a book someday…

I saved this one for last since I didn’t know how personal I would get haha. I would write poems and stories from the time I was 5 or even younger. I would make my mom type out my poems for me on my dad’s old type writer. I still remember my first poem:

The cricket the cricket

Is black as night

When he jumps out at you

He gives you a fright

Award winning am I right? Later on and when I knew how to type on my own I worked on my epic fantasy. I would write everyday and save it on my floppy disk (did I just give away my age?) I thought it was the best epic fantasy to hit the world. Then one day my floppy disk wouldn’t work and I lost the whole book. I was so discouraged I didn’t write for a long time. However, in the end I finally got it to work and then I printed off this masterpiece so I could save it forever. Years later and reading it now is quite humorous. It was a piece of crap, but first books always are.

Then I wrote a YA romance book and all my friends loved it. It even made one cry (after all the boy fell off a cliff and died a horrific death…) I sent it in and got my very first rejection letter. That was rough, I didn’t know that this was the norm for writers. I just wrote because it was in my blood. I didn’t understand that for every acceptance there are a hundred (or more) rejections.

So I stopped writing.

Then I wrote a few poems here and there and decided to take a creative writing class in college. I wrote short stories and they were okay. Writing was always there in my background but I was afraid to get rejected, to fail.

After college I always said I would write. I would start book after book and then stop. I wasn’t dedicated to writing every day. After all if you don’t try you never fail right? I was scared. I didn’t want my claim to being a writer to just be met with rejection. I felt like a fraud like I didn’t belong in this world of authors and creators.

So I stopped.

For some reason I decided to go to a writing conference. I mostly went because Brandon Sanderson was there and I wanted to listen to  him and fan-girl over him.

I got encouragement and after the conference I was on fire to write!

It lasted a month.

So I went to the conference again next year and the next. I kept going and I would try to write for a month then I would stop again.

Lets jump forward to the year 2017. I went to the conference. I was depressed. I contemplated suicide. I felt like there were no goals left in my life to live for. I couldn’t afford to travel and I didn’t write. What was left? This was going to be my last time going to this conference. I was a fraud. These other authors were trying to get published and they were working hard. I was there playing at being an author. I would tell them about my idea and what I wanted but I would never get past just the ideas.

Then I sat down and was at dinner with 6 other people at the conference and an author who was there to talk to us and it was a great opportunity for aspiring authors. He went around the table and asked what we wanted. He looked us dead in the eye and asked each of us. When get got to me I couldn’t handle it anymore.

“I don’t want to be a fraud.”

I burst into tears. I confessed to not writing, to my doubt, and my pain. I told him that this was the end for me and I was going to give up this goal since it was more painful to try and hold onto it than to try writing and failing.

He looked me in the eyes and told me that I was done with my doubt and that I was going to send him my finished book in December. He told me about how he struggles with creating also and that it was always going to be tough, but if I was serious I was going to finish my book.

Another friend at the conference called me every Sunday to check on my progress and slowly the book that I had in my head began to take shape this year. There were days when I could only write 100 words and days when I would write over 2000 but in the summer I finished my first draft. It wasn’t perfect, but it was mine.

Right now I’m on the final edits before I send it to the author before my deadline this December. Will this book get published? I don’t know. Will I write the next one? Yes.

Writing isn’t easy. It takes work to sit down and write and to trust yourself that you will pick the right words. My grammar isn’t great and it is hard to self edit myself, but I’m learning. I’m learning to just put the words on the page.

It was a long journey to get to where I am now. I have a feeling of joy inside and a purpose. I write this to reach out to you. It can be a bit frightening to be so open on the internet. Especially on a blog about anime haha.

Is there something in your life that you aren’t doing because you are afraid of failure? Do you think that you aren’t good enough so you don’t even try?

I honestly believe that we all are born with something inside of us that is a gift. We still need to work at it and improve on it, but we have a gift and a purpose. It can be anything that brings you joy. I hope that you don’t give up on your dream and that you keep working on it. Surround yourself with those who can support you.

I believe in you.

 

Thank you dear followers for reading my blog. You are lovely and wonderful people. I want to learn about your hopes and dreams and your purpose. Thank you for reading.

Nominations:

ARCHI-ANIME

The Otaku Judge

Shokamoka

Rose

The Spooky Red Head

YAHARI BENTO!!

Keiko

Plebby

Also all of you are lovely so I would love to read 7 thing about you! Happy watching!